Saturday, December 6, 2008

so what?

so last night and this afternoon i was fortunate enough to hang out with the heart sister. we even had a impromptu moment away from the kids.....trying to keep warm with mexican hot chocolate as well as snacking on flautas and such. during hanging's "so what?" played on the radio. this is when DC mentioned how this song reminds her of me. i was a bit all i could hear was "na na na na na". i hadn't really listened to this song before.

honestly, since i discovered pandora a couple of years ago i haven't listened to regular radio in a long time....and lets just say that pink usually isn't on the playlist. yet, i am very much aware of her ballsy attitude which i must admit to having a bit of admiration for. i get a sense that she has this "take me or leave me" kind of 'tude. i like that.

so when i returned from the extended visit with the family, i decided to buy the song online and listen to it a bit closer. after all, it isn't every day when a loved one says that a song reminds them of you. if you aren't familiar with the song, here is a youtube video that has the lyrics....

as i started to listen to the song on my headphones, i found myself bursting out laughing at various points. at one point, i laughed so hard that i thought i was going to pee in my pants. OMG. it shouldn't suprise me that the heart sister knows me so well.

it also reminded me of a conversation i had with JS over drinks by the pool in our lovely merida oasis last week. "so what's your strategy?" was one of the questions he poised to me while i had my legs over the arm of my overstuffed chair....looking up at the stars...drinking red wine....listening for bats....and marveling in the warm night.

leave it to JS to ask me about my strategy when we are trying to relax.

yet, i suppose that is one of the reasons why i love him and why he is one of my closest friends....always thinking, strategizing, and wondering about the future, he is.

anyway, my response? brutally honest as usual. people learn very quickly not to ask me direct questions unless they want honest answers. "i don't know. since i walked out that night, i remember thinking as i left the house that 'everything has to be better. everything. i am not going to be worse off because of this.' this has been my motivation for the past year. i have made certain that every part of my life is better than it was before. yet, i didn't think i'd accomplish it so soon. so, now i'm like, now what?"

yet, we all know dear hearts...that me and my intense driven alpha self is not going to sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting for life to happen to me. as i have mentioned before, i feel like i've been given this second chance...and i'll be damn if i'm going to waste it.

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