Thursday, December 18, 2008

still the precocious child

i realized when i made myself a late lunch today that i didn't have any veggies in the house. so i made myself some spicy ramen without any veggies (see above pic). qu'elle horror! it is my own fault. i've been a bit preoccupied the last week or so. i haven't really gone to the market for veggies. the work chaos isn't quite over yet, but i decided to take a break from my presentation (which i give tomorrow, monday, and tuesday) and pay a visit to the berkeley farmers market.

i am looking forward to the office holiday shut down. i think it will be wonderful to just read in bed. eat. read more in bed. eat some more. maybe go for a walk or two. definitely visit loved ones. sleep in. sigh. just a few more days.

the brave vendors were out today as it isn't exactly warm in berkeley these days. i paid my usual visits to happy boy farms and river dog

while i was wandering around the market, trying to keep somewhat warm, my thoughts were drawn to DH today....thousands of miles away...and having a very hard day. for the past few years, i have been extraordinary lucky on the work front and have been fortunate to connect with people that i have a feeling that i'll know for a long time.

DH and i decided to work together after speaking on the phone for an hour this past summer. for me, it was just a "feeling" or an instinctual thing. i thought, "i know that i can work with this person. this could be really good." and pretty much let DH know at the end of the conversation that if he made a decent offer, i'd be on board. i know VLD, my always friend and then boss thought i was kinda nuts. historically, i don't go by my instincts...but these days, i'm all about paying them a lot closer attention. i took a risk, left a good job...for what turned out to be a hella better of a job....and i still talk to VLD. it turned out to be a win-win. gotta love that.

yet, today, i was thinking of DH through a much more melancholy frame of mind. he is serving as a pallbearer today for a close uncle who passed on. the uncle was very young and fit...yet, cancer decided to take him anyway. talk about an emotional ride....especially since DH just returned from his honeymoon....and xmas is just around the corner. obviously...and well, a bit selfishly, i wish that these sort of things wouldn't happen to those that i care about. i think it is quite unfair. there is this part of me that can still relate to the precocious 13-year-old neophyte foodie hunter arguing with high school teachers about the non-existence of a single benevolent deity in her catholic school religion class...because, life isn't fair and shouldn't a deity who is so benevolent be fair? did i mention that i was also an angry child? sigh. i bet my high school teachers were very glad when i left high school for college when i turned 15. i can almost hear them say "THANK GOD" and probably lit a few candles to their benevolent deity in gratitude. in many ways, i am still that precocious rebellious child that truly believes life should be fair...i've just learned to "button it" during inappropriate situations.

yet, also, like a child, sometimes when i'm feeling sad, i wanna cookie. so i definitely wanted a cookie today and thankfully, found one at phoenix pastificio booth at the farmers market

i suppose everything does happen for a reason. the phoenix guy was so damn cheery and excited about the food he was selling in the freezing cold, that it made me smile. after buying one of the chocolate pecan chewies, i walked away with a smile...and munching on my super yummy cookie.....feeling better and thinking that there is much that i will never understand or think that is fair...but, you know, that is ok.

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