Friday, February 6, 2009

old stomping grounds

i think i am almost back to my usual self. the last couple of days have included me getting out from underneath a rather large mountain of work email and trying to get organized. i foresee lots of "catching up" work this weekend. yet, since i returned from the latest trip, it hasn't all been "work, work, work" thank goodness. as i mentioned in my last posting, JS was in town for business so we were able to hang out a bit after work a couple of times. as i took BART over to meet him in the city, i was looking out of the train window.....

thinking about what it would be like to visit our old stomping grounds. it was many years ago when we worked as editors near north beach for a major publisher and spent quite a bit of time grabbing lunch and/or taking walks around that area. it really hit home when we grabbed a beer at vesuvio


and i realized that i think the last time i was in there was with him.....and ditto when we he took me to a late dinner at house of nanking. not surprisingly, it made me think about how much our lives have changed since the time we hung out in north beach on a regular basis. we have both have had some life altering experiences since we were editors....which have shaped us and helped us grow....yet, there are certain core qualities that remain the same. perhaps this contributes to the feeling that despite distance and time, the strength of our connection does not dissipate. i've noticed that this occurs with loved ones....maybe we do not see each other for a month or so....yet, when we do, we pick up the connection as if no time has passed.

i used to think i was quite the commitment phobe until the best friend (who i've known for over a decade or so) pointed out quite a while ago how committed i am to people i care about (as opposed to people i was dating...yeah, i know that is something i've got to work on....you know...actually having "loved ones" and "date" people in the same category. rome wasn't built in a day. sigh.). yet, i suppose it is that commitment to loved ones and being present that contributes to being able to pick up relationships as if no time has passed....as well as continue to be present in the relationships of loved ones that i see more often.

for example, i was also fortunate to have the chance to catch up with the best friend over a glass of wine at cute and cozy Marc 49 this week as well. we have definitely seen each other through some massive changes since we were at university together....yet, there are still certain aspects of our personalities that remain the same.....her passion for justice has not dissipated and nor would i expect it to, even when we enter our 80s. i would be very surprised if she stopped thinking about and acting on how to make the world a better place.

i know that i'm a fairly pensive person anyway, and i have a feeling that i am feeling a bit more pensive than usual given my exhausted and weary frame of mind. yet, i've been thinking about how sometimes we have this absolutely horrible experiences.......hold on.... actually..... i should probably own this statement. so lets try this again....i've had some pretty horrible experiences and i think those horrible experiences have allowed me to recognize amazing people and character.....so, why shouldn't i be committed to those that i recognize as being truly wonderful people? life has the potential to be too short and very unpleasant. so it is my choice. it is my choice to learn from these horrible experiences instead of being driven by them. it is my choice to be present and committed.

it is a choice i make everyday.