Monday, February 9, 2009

too deep over my morning chocolate

well, i must be getting re-acclimated to my "real life", if i am having way too deep and intense thoughts over my morning hot chocolate.

it actually all started yesterday while i was having a conversation with a loved one over dreams and passions. due to certain circumstances including the current economy, this loved one is not pursuing a particular passion....a passion that i know that they would love to follow and i know that they would exceed at. oddly enough, or maybe not so odd....but i felt saddened by this and well, hurt. for the analytical foodie hunter, it was a puzzle that i couldn't quite figure out...and i was still processing it this morning as i decided to open up the chic-chic coco luxe hot chocolate mix that the best friend bought for me for xmas....

as i fiddled around with the packaging and patiently picked at the dark ribbon, i was thinking a lot about patience and deferred gratification.

this loved one worked incredibly hard for a couple of years and sacrificed so much....risked so pursuit of a passion....and for now, realizing this passion seems just beyond his grasp.

as the super practical rational friend, i try to let him know that i don't think he should give up...and that the compromises he is experiencing now...are just that..."for now" and not forever. yet, there is another part of me that is hurt, saddened, and disappointed for work so hard toward dreams that have to be deferred once more. i wasn't expecting to feel this way....a bit odd, no? once again, as i watch my hot chocolate whirl and whirl, i feel like the whirling is quite reflective of my internal musings. just so you know, this is the first time i've done this since i've been back from my various trips.

i suppose that is what happens when you let people or loved ones "in". you love them. you laugh with them. you connect with them. you experience anger at unfairness thrust upon them. you experience hurt and sadness when you know, see, and hear that they are saddened, disappointed, and resigned. this is the feelings of resignation that i fear the most. perhaps a bit selfishly i suppose, i want for them to be surrounded by their passion, i want to see their eyes dance, and know that they are excited and happy. i want them to know, as i know, that despite these obstacles, i have no doubt that they can achieve and exceed at their passion.

yup, nothing like a bit of lighthearted feelings first thing in the morning.

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