Tuesday, July 7, 2009

just a suggestion

jez. it is difficult to believe that it is only tuesday. i finished up a report this morning about 2am and then was having IM conversations with folks in the uk for a while before heading to bed. then i slept for a few hours before logging in and being back at it at 9am.

it feels like it is already friday.

i am tired.

there is obviously a lot going on right now. lots and lots. yet, i am reminded that despite the crazy-assed work pace, i am not successfully able to run from some of the lingering sadness that i feel. unfortunately, this lingering sadness isn't going to vacate on the foodie hunter's preferred timeline. i was reminded of this as i made my lunch today which was inspired by a dish i had with the heart sister at SPQR this past weekend.

this past weekend with the heart sister was absolutely lovely and decadent. it also included a few experiences that were unintentional efforts to supplement or perhaps, replace, certain memories. one of the places we went to this past weekend was SPQR. dear hearts, as you may recall, SPQR was one of the places i mentioned in my love letter to pac heights where i had dinner with someone that i developed unrequited feelings for. the heart sister and i didn't originally plan on going there, but alas, that is where we ended up. dinner was lovely....from the arugula plum salad w/ricotta salata, the pasta carbornara, the chickpea pancake with olives and anchovies, the bay scallops, and the dessert of chocolate hazelnut pizzettes with ricotta and strawberries. everything was comforting and tasty. over our dinner, the heart sister mentioned how she wished that didn't have to go through this sadness over my feelings and a loss of a friendship....because, well...first there was the divorce...and now this. in many ways, oddly enough, the loss of this friendship is quite a bit more difficult than the divorce ever was.

fun times, huh?

i was processing quite a bit about the conversation with the heart sister at SQPR as i made my own version of the SPQR arugula salad today for lunch. i started out with the bitter pungent arugula

then sliced into a tart plum....

and added it to the arugula....

then shredded some ricotta salata........

and added some kalamata olive oil and a hint of balsamic.....

as i was taking the pictures and nibbling on the salad,

i thought about how i told the heart sister that it was all worth it though.

and you know, it really is.

i never thought i'd "hear" myself say that. if you had told me a few years ago that i would be in this position, i probably would have told you to fuck off. yet, it truly is worth it.... to really know what it feels like...to know that i am actually capable of it... to put aside my HUGE amount of pride and just admit to it. before this happened, i never thought feeling this way would ever be an option for me. in an odd way, i am glad that if it had to happen...i am glad that it happened with him as he didn't try to manipulate me or hurt me...it just happened. it could have been a lot worse to than to fall for an amazing person that i have a tremendous amount of respect for.

yet, i'm going to put this out into the universe....if i am lucky enough to feel this way again....could it please be with someone that feels the same?

just a suggestion.

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