Sunday, September 6, 2009


i'm currently sitting at one of my local cafes that i enjoy working in....trying to get my team budget done as well as make make progress on a presentation that is due in about a week, and another presentation by the end of the month. yes, i know this is sunday.

i find that i am being distracted by a couple of things....and i hope that by writing about will somehow go out into the universe and allow me to get my head back into the work game.

sometimes we all do rather stupid things that we wish we didn't do....or wish we could some how reach into the computer and take it back. but you know what? we can't. or in this case, i can't. i have to just suck it up and own up to the fact i did something rather stupid that resulted in something that i didn't intend. it doesn't happen very often but i could feel the blood drain from my face and my stomach drop to my toes.

right after it happened, i thought

" fuck!"
"fuck! fuck! FUCK!"

the last set of words further punctuated by hitting myself in the forehead.

so i took a deep breath and took sheepish responsibility for it. does it make me feel like any less of an idiot? nope. it doesn't. oh well. this happened while i was at home and i thought the best remedy for this would be to get out of my place for a bit....(like i could out run my idiocy) so before i headed to one of my usual "work" cafes, i decided to grab a slice of pizza and a coke at bobby g's...

this is not one of my usual haunts. yet, it definitely fulfils the craving for a thin slice of greasy pepperoni pizza.

after i took, like, 5 min to eat the pizza, i headed over to the cafe and basically futzed around online for a bit and came across the new song from lenoa lewis, happy. it is my understanding that the song was written by lewis, ryan tedder, and evan bogart. according to her official web site, it won't be available for download until september 15th. when i came across this song, i thought "well, this is quite appropriate. thank you universe." it seems quite appropriate given my most recent "why" postings.

i'm actually listening to it right now.

i'll embed it here from youtube....but we'll see how long the link lasts for.....

it is the chorus that stood out to me:

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground

i gotta find my place

i wanna hear my sound

don't care about all the pain in front of me
i'm just trying to be, happy

just wanna be happy


dear hearts, do you see why i'm finding this song a bit appropriate at this moment? i suppose this just speaks about the universality of certain emotions and feelings ....well, perhaps, from a western perspective anyway. i guess that sometimes we really do find what we need. at this moment, i need to have my moment of acknowledging what is going on.....and well, is time to get my head back into the game.

until later dear hearts....

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