Saturday, September 5, 2009

presence

i can feel myself fighting something off. perhaps it is a cold or something. i feel a bit tired and worn down. i should have been a bit more diligent. now that the students have flooded back into berkeley, they probably brought tons of various microbes back with them. i tried to take it easy today as there are a couple of projects that i need to finish before i head back into the office on tuesday. yet, i wanted to do something new, so i decided to take the 51 and head down to tara's organic ice cream place. i didn't realize until i was on the 51 that there was a game today....which made the 51 even slower than usual. i'll say this about public transportation, it definitely gives one time to process and think about things. during the ride into south berkeley, i was thinking a bit about the conversation i had with the heart sister last night. we talked a bit about my "why" series of postings as well as my giving her a first hand account of my cluelessness with the best friend while we were leaving le colonial.

she mentioned something that took me a back a bit. she said that i have a "presence". as you can see, i'm still thinking about this now. while i see myself ensuring that i have a presence when conduct my presentations for work and such.....i feel like that took years of practice and practice to cultivate that presence. yet, the heart sister has never seen me do a presentation. i don't really see myself as having a "presence" when i walk around or when i interact in a group setting. most of the time, especially in a group setting, i thought i did a pretty good job of blending into the woodwork/background. you know, a kind of hiding in plain sight sort of thing. i doubt that this is a strategy i will change in my personal life. i know that i have to be all social "work life"....but that is work. i see that as business socializing.

by this point, i had finally gotten to my stop, so hopped off the 51, and then made my way over to tara's organic ice cream. it isn't exactly "on my way" anywhere, so it isn't surprising that i haven't been here before. yet, i am trying to ensure that i try 1 new thing or place a week. this is me ensuring that my life isn't all work.

tara's ice cream, for starting out in arizona, has a very hippie dippie vibe about it. while it may fit into a certain subculture of berkeley, i think its location is a bit odd for it....not odd for an ice cream store....just odd for an ice cream store that is pretty hippie. retail spaces that get closer to rockridge tend to try to be more modern and chic than hippie boho. anyway, after looking at the board...


i sampled the kaffir lime leaf and the garam masala. both of them were pretty tasty so i decided to get a small with both flavors


the kaffir lime leaf flavor is the one on the top. if you just saw the pic, you'd think it would be something like vanilla huh? would you have really guessed that once you tried it ....it would actually be this citrus-y creamy flavor? i suppose this is just one example about how sometimes, things aren't exactly what they seem.

as i sat in tara's eating my ice cream, i realized that when i walk around and such ....in relatively safe areas, that i'm assuming that folks don't see me and that i blend into the woodwork. i know that i assume this when i am in a group settings as i am not one of the ones jockeying for the attention. i also have no problems with silence. BF made a comment about this to me once....about how i am very comfortable with silence...and it is true. i don't see the need to talk to fill air.

yet, hearing about my having a presence from the heart sister made me take a step back....because it is so different from how i view myself and my personal social interactions. she seemed to think it was funny that i thought i faded into the background. we had never discussed this before...odd isn't it? i have a feeling that i'll be thinking about this for a while....obviously some food for thought.

2 comments:

Victoria said...

Ha ha ha ha!!!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!

Whooh.

Now that I've picked myself up from the floor, can you pleeeeeease tell me who on earth gave you the idea that just because you're not wearing the lampshade on your head, that means you fade into the background? Silence does not mean obscurity by any means.

foodie hunter said...

:)

yeah.

i just figured myself as more the wallflower type.