Sunday, October 18, 2009

you know i love you when i cook for you

sometimes love is actually very simple.

yes, i know. there are many types of love. yet sometimes, it really is simple. truly.

you know, when you love someone or you don't.

or at least, sometimes it really is that simple for me.

if i love you, then i love you. you know i love you when i spend 6+ hours cooking food for you.

sometimes it may be difficult for me to express myself, especially when i am scared, fearful, or worried and as a result, all of these feelings are channeled through situations such as cooking up a frenzy in your kitchen. i'll do things like stay up until 1am, jet-lagged, going through cookbooks and figure out a meal plan for an entire week ....then cook enough so that you'll have meals for the week and then some (you know for the freezer). i'll do things like make homemade soups ....

that are tailored for you and your taste buds. i've always known that soup is one of your favorite things to eat. i can understand why...there is something very comforting about soups.

i'll also experiment like crazy in your kitchen figuring out how to make a roasted tomato sauce that uses next to no salt but is full of flavor to tempt you into eating....

btw...i figured this out with blending in fresh herbs, caramelized onions, and two cloves of garlic....a way to balance the acidity of the tomatoes and add pops of flavor without adding salt. i wanted you to have a hearty tomato sauce base for pasta or some of the cut up chicken (i used the bones and chicken carcass for making the stock for two of the soups).

i also was experimenting with roasted winter squash.......

wanting to minimize the fat.....or at least....ensuring using the fat when it really counted. so i cut up some delicata squash, put in a minimal amount of olive oil, used a whole lot of paprika, some black pepper, dried basil, and dried oregano. after the the squash rings were roasted, i spooned in a couple of teaspoons of roasted garlic olive oil that the garlic i roasted earlier sat in. thankfully, that turned out well. i roasted the garlic and made an almost boat load of caramelized onions

as i was hoping that you'd be able to use them as "additions" for the soups later, mash them with some of the other squash i roasted,....or even add them to the roasted tomato sauce for variety.

i know that my thoughts and pictures are not exactly in order....and are this is how i felt while cooking in your kitchen. you tell me that i have such an organized and calming presence in the kitchen while i cook....yet, all of my energy was channeled into the cooking and didn't want to alarm you with how worried i have been. i didn't want to think about my life without you in it. sometimes, quite selfishly, i think there is only so much heartbreak i can take. i didn't want to worry you with how while i was in new york, i was also worried about your lover (whom i also love and adore) who was valiantly holding it all together and how i wished i could wrap both of you in this protective force field. both of you mean so much to me and are on a very short list of people that i love quite dearly.

i suppose it is easier to say these things now, knowing that things are getting better, and i am not as afeared of what the next few days will bring.

No comments: