Wednesday, November 18, 2009

contemplative morning

ahhh, it is one of those contemplative mornings.

consider yourself warned.........if you are new to this blog, you probably want to wait a day or two and start reading then....with a posting that is less intense. if you have been with me for a while, then you know exactly what this means.....get ready for an intense posting this morning.

anyway, after rushing around like a crazy foodie hunter this morning in preparation for a meeting that didn't happen, i decided to prance into my kitchen to make myself some roasted arkansas black apples with greek yogurt and hazelnut agave. i had actually roasted the arkansas black apples with a wee bit of peanut oil, cinnamon, and brown sugar yesterday......

and topped the roasted apples on top of greek yogurt with a bit of agave for a snack ......

so the shots are from yesterday, but rest assured, this is what i am noshing on as i type my stream-of-consciousness posting this morning. i think this is my preferred method of eating arkansas black apples btw.

anyway, right now, as i nourish myself with my roasted fruit and yogurt.... i find myself thinking about what it means to be open. this isn't a thought or theme that has just dropped from the sky recently. those of you dear hearts, who have been with me since the very beginning, know that this was one of the major motivations behind the creation of this blog.

the concept of being open....truly open.... has not been a remotely easy feat for the super duper analytically driven foodie hunter, and i realize that i have really, just only begun. i think people often mistakenly assume that my heavy analyticalness means that emotions and feelings are not present. this is definitely not the case. i have always felt things quite passionately and believed that because i felt things so passionately, there needed to be an equal amount of lock down involved....because i knew that to love passionately.....also meant to be hurt passionately.

i feared that if i allowed myself to be too open, i would end up broken. for always.

yet, over the past couple of years, when i embarked on my self-challenging quest of being more open, this fear was still present. despite this fear, i still went forward with this quest.....and yes, it hurt. i don't think words can adequately describe how much it hurt. i see no reason to lie to you or to me.

yet in the midst of all of it, i was surprised, relieved, and interestingly enough....still willing to be open.

why?

because i am still here.

i am still me and i am not broken.

1 comment:

Victoria said...

And that is why being open with feelings is liberating.