Monday, June 29, 2009

you look tired

location: washington dc time: 11:37pm

"you look tired." declared DH to me in the cab on the way to have dinner with some colleagues.

"it is because i am tired." i replied quite wearily.

DH had a good laugh and said "well, i'll always be honest with you."

true. true.

i suppose it all started when i didn't go to sleep on saturday and left my place at 5:30am to go to SFO. i boarded the first plane and we arrived at the runway to take off....then the announcement went out that there was something wrong with the right engine and we would have to go back to the gate. once at the gate, it was decided that components were going to be replaced and that it would take about an hour and half. so it was about this time that i broke out my snack of mango pudding that i purchased at one of the SFO food stalls.


about a couple of hours later, the plane went to the runway again.....we didn't take off. the pilot indicated that there was still something wrong. then we all got off the plane and quite a few series of mishaps occurred that i am too tired to talk about right now. but the upshot is....i am very glad that i have status on this airline or else i probably wouldn't have gotten a seat on that flight. quite a few people were bumped on the flight.

then, when i arrived at the hotel, there was the obligatory work socializing....which is not my favorite activity....and then a business meeting that lasted until midnight eastern standard time. then it was up early for meetings w/the uk office before doing some field work until about 6pm. so it was about 7:30pm this evening when DH said "i looked tired"....while we on our way to do more socializing.

i mean, really, how else am i going to look?

i've learned quite a bit on this trip though. i've learned that keeping folks you work with at a distance is not a bad thing and that i will not be changing my philosophy anytime soon. emotional distance, in this case, is a very good thing. friends are forgiving of personal indiscretions...and i think people often make a crucial mistake and think that people they work with are their friends. while there are exceptions (a met a few of my "inner circle" at work), overall, this is not often the case. in fact, i'm beginning to think that there should be another term...perhaps not frienemies....but something a bit more sinister, actually.

a more accurate term escapes me .... but if you know of one...please let me know.

well, i think it is time for bed.

night and hugs...

me

Sunday, June 28, 2009

made it to DC...

location washington, dc
time: 12.44am

well, after a series of mishaps, i made it to DC. i am at my hotel.

i just realized that i forgot to bring my usb cord that allows me to transfer my pics from my camera to my computer. great just great. i'm going to see if i can get one tomorrow. but i must get to bed....i haven't been to bed since friday evening and am feeling quite tired.

hugs to you all!

me

Friday, June 26, 2009

taro frozen yogurt

need i say more?

it is pretty good.

yogurt harmony, 2259 shattuck ave, berkeley, ca 94704-1432, +1 (510) 848-5903, www.yogurtharmony.com

Thursday, June 25, 2009

closure with B

i don't know about you....but there is usually a limit to the amount of emotionally tiring activities that i am willing to tackle at a given time. i know that i won't avoid the activities altogether, i put dealing with them on hold until i think i am in the right place to deal with them.

the other day, one of these activities consisted of closing the PO box. it was the PO box that i used for various divorce-oriented paperwork. it was the final piece. it was a pretty emotionally charged event. this evening is the first time i've spoken of it. after i closed the PO box, i stopped into naia for some gelato (2 flavors = rose and strawberry cheesecake).

i hoped that the creamy sweetness would soothe some of the anxiousness that i was feeling. as i was walking, thinking, and tasting the gelato, i realized what i needed was closure.

i never said what i wanted to say. i never said good bye.

the last time i saw B was the night he did what he did. i was devastated, hurt, and angry....yet, right before i left i gave him a hug. i know many of you, dear hearts, were quite befuddled by this and had numerous suggestions of what i should have done instead. yet, even at my most angry, i didn't want to hurt him and i didn't want the last memory to be one of anger and perhaps, one of regret. our communications after that were strictly divorce related and i was in a numb state....i treated the divorce proceedings like a project and attacked it accordingly, wanting to get it done as efficiently as possible. B just went along for the ride. i doubt he read anything he signed. he was probably feeling too guilty.

yet, during that time, i never said, wrote, or communicated anything negative to him. no name calling. no accusations. nothing. i didn't want to hurt him, even with the truth.

i look back on that time and think it is rather amazing that i didn't. he was really lucky. quite.

yet, as a result, i never said what i needed to say. so, now that i've submitted the last of my reports from last week's trip, i am sitting here....finally going to say good bye....almost two years later.

here it goes....

hello B,

thank you.

thank you for doing what you did that night.

your actions that evening were impulsive, thoughtless, and completely absent of care or respect for me as a person. when you asked me not to cut you out of my life and i said that i couldn't promise anything because i didn't know... i lied. yup. i lied. i knew in that moment that once the divorce was finalized, that i never wanted to see, talk to, or hear about you ever again. the fact that you even asked was quite incredulous. i put forth seven years of my life into that relationship and i wasn't about to put forth a day more. my emotions were swirling that evening and included in the pain and the anger, was a surprising feeling of relief. it was a relief to know that i was going to be free. while i was feeling oddly guilty for feeling relief at the time.....it was a relief to know that i was being absolved of my promise, of my commitment to you. toward the end of the marriage i learned what it meant to be lonely and now, it feels good to no longer feel that way.

yet, despite the betrayal and pain that you inflicted, i must thank you for letting me go. because once you let me go, i was able to have the freedom to learn what it means to care and love someone that sees me. not just accepts me. but sees me. i was given the opportunity to understand and feel a dizzingly sense of desire...physically, emotionally, and intellectually, for the first time. it no longer escapes me why people are turned into fools for feelings of love....and why they don't care.

even though it didn't work out with this person and i know that the resulting discomfort will stay with me for a very long time, i would do it all again. in an instant. i have no regrets. i finally understand what it is suppose to feel like, why i didn't have that with you, and why i was never going to have it with you. you were always more emotionally aware than i was and it is no wonder you were so jealous....watching....waiting...to see if the next super intense guy was going to be the "one" where i would discover what was lacking between us. yet, ironically enough, if you hadn't done what you did....then, i would have never have known. i was committed, had no experiences for comparison, and would have never done anything that would have been disrespectful to you as a person.

i think the marriage to you was necessary for me to grow and to understand that if i decide to make a lifetime commitment to someone, they must match me in my passion, drive, intellect, capacity for care, and approach to the world. we both know that you were not my match. you wanted to be, but you weren't. i see now how difficult that must have been difficult on your self esteem...to feel lacking. yet, i am not going to apologize for who i am. these qualities have been with me since i was a child and will remain with me until it is my time to pass on. the marriage between us has taught me that i'd rather forgo that type of relationship completely than be committed to someone that is not capable of walking next to me, our strides in synch.

so thank you B. thank you for letting me go.

good bye.

me

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

not feeling the gratitude

hmmm. to blog or not to blog. that was a key question for me today.

the heart sister and i met for lunch today. we decided to try something a bit new (to us). we decided to try cafe gratitude which is supremely close to my place. despite being incredibly close to my place and my walking by it on almost a daily basis, i had never put one leather shod foot through the front door. both the heart sister and i were feeling slightly apprehensive about our choice, but what propelled us forward was the memory of CK making a key lime pie based on cafe gratitude recipe. we had also heard that the food was very good.

well, the food was great.



no doubt about it...


i was very happy to plow through my vegan raw food.


it was supremely tasty and filing...although, i must admit that CK's version of the key lime pie tasted significantly better....we think CK had more of the cashew cream layer and remember it being fluffier in texture.

despite the food being great, i kinda felt like i stepped into a cult compound or a vegan version of the stepford wives...or something similar. i wasn't really feeling the atmosphere. i don't think i'm crunchy hippie berkeley enough. also, it wasn't like our waitress wasn't friendly or anything like that...she was pretty friendly. yet, i couldn't bring myself to order the food by their titles which were phrases like "i am awakening" and "i am celebrating".

this is why i've been pondering whether or not to blog about the experience.

the food is excellent. i enjoy good vegan food and these folks definitely know how to prepare vegan food well. yet, the atmosphere of cafe gratitude does not appeal to me. it makes sense, i don't think it was meant to appeal to me and my particular mindset. so i will leave it up to you dear reader.....to make your own decision on whether or not you'd like to go beyond this vicarious visit through this blog posting or see for yourself. just be prepared to check any snarkiness at the door. take it from me, it is pretty difficult.

cafe gratitude, 1730 shattuck street, berkeley, ca 94709, (415) 824-4652

Monday, June 22, 2009

random pluminess


how's this for a random foodie hunter moment?

a neighbor of mine has a fairly large plum tree in their front yard. the branches are well beyond my reach...even the branches above the very public side walk.

often times, i just see smashed plums or the pits on the sidewalk and think quite longingly "ummm, that is too bad." i recall from my days as a neophyte foodie hunter just how great plums are right off the tree....still warm from the sun. yet today dear hearts, there was a perfectly formed plum just waiting on the side walk for me.

i scurried home with my find, thoroughly washed it,

then cut it up.

right away i noticed a marked difference from other plums i've purchased.....as when i pierced the fruit's skin....the aroma was absolutely lovely. ahhh, "this is summer." i thought to myself....breathing in and tasting the sweet tartness of the warm fruit.

what a lovely and a truly random treat.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

foodiehunter and bún bò huế at kim huong

the foodie hunter put a toe outside of the closet today when i handed one of the owners of kim huong a cd with the best bun bo hue pictures i have taken. these are the pics that i have posted on yelp and on flickr. the owners still have no idea that i write this blog though...the foodie hunter is only going to go so far outside of the semi-anonymity closet.

it all began last week when i overheard new customers saying positive things about the pics on yelp to one of the owners. she said that other people have said that to her before but that she hadn't gone to see the pics. i felt a bit funny to hear this....and decided to tell the owner later on that i had decided to post pics on yelp because there weren't that many (i.e., 2 pictures). not to be a shit or anything, but there is only one other nice pic on the kim huong yelp page that isn't mine. i had decided a few months ago to post some of my better pics of the places that i really like on yelp, in hopes that it would entice people to visit some of my faves.

in this economy, i'm extremely conscious about the independent places that i want to stay in business. just to be clear, i don't get paid to do this. i only do this for places that i actually enjoy. it really hit home for me when stacey's bookstore on market street closed in the city. this is a fate that i do not want to see for kim huong or other independent businesses that i love.

i've been going to kim huong for a long time now and i think most of you know that it is one of my sanctuaries. i pretty much only order the bun bo hue. it is one of my favorite vietnamese soups and they do it very well here. for even more of my pics and postings about the bun bo hue, please feel free to visit here. yet, here are my shots from today...


one of these days, i'll probably deviate and order something else...but unlikely anytime soon. i order the bun bo hue because it is absolutely amazing with its spicy beef pork broth with succlent slices of meat and chewy thick round noodles.


i have been searching for years for a place that does it just how i like it.


i'm still not sick of it. yet, there are other reasons why i visit kim huong that i wanted to share with you.

kim huong is clean.

for some of you, this may be a funny statement to read....but when you go into predominately asian areas in the states, cleanliness is not exactly a given.

kim huong welcomes vietnamese and non-vietnamese alike.

the owners are always really nice to me and know who i am. yet, because i go so often, i am also able to see how they treat other customers.....new customers and regulars. they have always been super friendly and very patient with customers that are not familiar with vietnamese food. for example, there were a few young men eating at the bar area today, and the owner was answering their questions about vietnamese food and history in general. i appreciate this quite a bit....growing up, i do recall many a time where many vietnamese places act like you have to have a secret "club card" aka "be vietnamese" to get ok service. as a result, i would be very judicious about taking people into these places. at kim huong, they also don't treat non-vietnamese people with any hint or level of condescension. i would be very comfortable taking any of my non-vietnamese friends here. the customer base at kim huong reflects the diversity of the bay area....i've seen all ethnicities eat here....doesn't matter if you are vietnamese, chinese, japanese, korean, african american, flilipino, white, latino, or hapa ....it really doesn't matter....and i like that alot.

if you are in or around downtown oakland, i would highly recommend that you drop by and see for yourself...just don't tell them that the foodie hunter sent you. still trying to be semi-anonymous here.

kim huong, 304 10th Street (between Harrison St & Webster St), oakland, ca 94607, (510) 836-3139, www.kimhuong.net

Saturday, June 20, 2009

back home


super quick posting tonight as i am quite jet lagged and knackered. the bed is beckoning...enticing me to snuggle....and i doubt that i'll be able to resist for much longer.

i didn't get much sleep last night....the taxi picked me up at 5am in orlando and after a snafu at the airport, i made it on the plane. thank the gawds for airline status. i did not want to be spending another night in orlando. i ended up touching down at SFO about 9ish and have been running around and am soooo ready for bed. i'll blog more later....but the day became considerably better when i popped into udupi palace for a quick early dinner. it was a special....of uthapamm with onion and peas, a mini masala dosa, a mini dosa with spinach and potatoes, an idly, and a medu vada.

it was just what i needed after eating so much crap in orlando.

i love the bay area.

i really do. such a lucky foodie hunter.

night all,

me

btw: i'm not moving to england. more on that later too.

udupi palace, 1901 university Ave (and MLK), berkeley, CA 94704, +1 510 843 6600...bring your cash. not your credit cards..

Friday, June 19, 2009

ummm. not so cute in orlando


location: orlando (picture is of orlando convention center)
time: 11:53pm eastern standard time

on a good day, when i've got my style going on and little jaunt in my step...folks may consider me cute. tops. seriously. me no angelina folks.

it is wise to have some self-awareness.

i have definitely not been looking oh so cute while in orlando. style wise, i decided to go for the professional almost matronly look. for the past few days, i've been attending an AV hardware show for gawd's sake. i hadn't attended a hard core technology show in a long time, but i remember quite clearly that having your style on isn't really a good idea. one just has to have ovaries to stand out here. when dudes check you out, it isn't anything personal...it also doesn't mean you are cute...it just means that you are female. so having your style on at these sort of events attracts even more attention. despite my matronly wear, i found that i've put my "WTF are you looking at?" face to use quite a bit while stomping ...err... walking the show floor over the past few days.

in addition to my looking a lot more matronly on this trip, i've been feeling bloated and all around grumpy at the food within walking distance. i mean, the best i was able to come up with today was yogurt (that contains a lot of sugar/fructose corn syrup) and water.


overall, bloated + matronly style + grumpy = not so cute foodie hunter.

because i was so grumpy, i decided to take a break before one of my meetings by sitting on one of the benches outside of the convention hall. so i was sitting there, responding to various emails on my blackberry. then a guy that worked for one of the big hardware vendors exhibiting asked if he could sit down on the bench, i said "sure" while not looking up from my blackberry. didn't think anything of it. seating areas are at a premium at conventions. he then proceeded to call a colleague. when he is done, he turns to me and asks "how are you liking the conference?"

"huh?" i said while looking at him.

in a space of a few seconds i assessed that
1) he wasn't slimy (i.e., he wasn't looking at me like i was 1 of 10 women left on the planet)
2) he was probably taking a break from his booth duty
3) this would actually give me an opportunity to pick his brain about the attendee traffic in the exhibit hall from a vendor perspective

i told him that it was my first time at the conference and then asked him what he thought of the foot traffic. well, why not get right to what i want to know? he was game and told me what his thoughts were about the traffic in comparison to the last few years he has attended. then we ended up talking about the US economy, the global economy, global politics, transportation systems in denmark, london, paris vs US, sustainable business practices, universal health care, and cultural diversity.

this isn't exactly small talk.

i'm pretty certain that i wasn't flirty either. i didn't see him as being flirty either. so didn't even think twice when the business card came out as the conversation was winding down. in previous careers, when i had to be in the field... the business card exchange was pretty normal.....you know "networking". yet, instead of saying "well, we should set up a meeting to talk about potential partnerships between our companies...etc.." or something along those lines. it was way different.

it was different because when he handed me his card he said that i should let him know when i am in town (he's canadian) and that he'd take me out. ummm, taking me out is a lot different than "we should meet up for lunch sometime to discuss X or Y business opportunities". he also said that he goes to a SoCal city on business really often and wanted to know how far that was from the bay area. i told him it was pretty far. i said that i didn't have my cards (which was true...but i'm also not one to hand out the contact info anyway for non-business purposes....you can give me your info if you want, but it doesn't mean you are going to have mine.)

then he said that he'd like me to email him so that he could have my contact email. he said that he'd like to have my email address so that he would be able to send me a note when he was in my area and that he'd like to get together sometime.

my instant thought was "i am so not ready for this kind of thing."

so i just smiled and said nothing. we said our goodbyes as he had to get back to booth duty and i had to go to my meeting.
you know, i have to admit. it was pretty well done. i didn't see that one coming. it was pretty smooth. i enjoyed the conversation.

i am going to anticipate the question from you dear hearts.....no, i'm not going to email him. the business card is going to stay here, in orlando.

i am not ready for this sort of game.

it is pretty funny though, what unexpected things that can happen when i'm feeling not so cute in orlando.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

being bad. very bad.

so i obviously know better.

however, despite knowing better, i've been bad....very very very bad.

what is it about business travel, seemingly in the middle of nowhere, that i end up eating so badly?

i don't know...maybe because i'd rather not be here? it is different when i am in a major urban city for business, then i get all excited and try to sneak away find good places to eat. but, it always happens when i'm in a place like orlando....or iowa....or itasca.....or some other place that most of you dear hearts have never been to or have never heard of.....i eat quite horribly.

maybe i'll be better tomorrow. i already feel the difference in my body from not having eaten too well the last couple of days.

what have i been eating? well, things like these mini-donuts that they sell at the convention center.....


the first couple are pretty tasty...especially when they are freshly fried.
yet, after the third or fourth mini....the body starts feeling kind of odd. i would not recommend eating them non-freshly fried. i think the body could have held up ok given all of the stomping around that i've been doing the last couple of days...but i've also been eating other stuff as well.

what else have i eaten?

ummmm. chili dogs and fries.


you know that these aren't organic, sustainable, no hormones, etc. etc....and were definitely not served with socio-political revolutionary statements on the walls.

it is my own fault though.

i know that i should be eating better and should be trying to find better options. the last couple of days i have been going for what is "easy" (i.e., what is closest to me in the convention center) rather than what is "good".....as in relatively good for me. maybe that will be a goal for myself tomorrow....to try to find relatively good food for my last day here.

we'll see.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

hong kong redux

location: orlando
time: 10pm

well, i'm finally here. i arrived at my hotel in orlando about 3am. it has been an interesting trip so far.

i felt a bit nervous on the way to SFO yesterday when i saw that my flight would be going through thunderstorms. at first, i thought my nervousness was a bit odd. the particularly frightening flight back from hong kong was in november and i've done thousands and thousands of miles in the air since then with no emo issues. then i realized that it was also the recent tragedy with the air france flight that contributed to my nervousness.

i ended up placating my bit of nervousness with trying out some random coconut pudding from one of the airport food places, it was kind of interesting and was a welcome distraction...

yet, the nervousness didn't help very much when we ended up having to de-board the plane because there was something wrong with the weather radar antenna on the plane. nice. so i just ended up parking on the floor for a while, wondering what would happen if i just didn't go.


we eventually boarded the plane about 4 hours after we were scheduled to leave....and the turbulence hit pretty quickly and was quite consistent throughout the flight. the turbulence was no where near the scale of the hong kong flight.

thankfully.

i'd rather not experience myself floating above my seat listening to people scream and laugh around me again. i kept reminding myself that this wasn't like the hong kong flight and i have actually experienced bumpier rides than this one...yet, for some reason, the nervousness and tension would not subside. i couldn't even eat the flight meal.

then, i promised myself that as soon as i got to my hotel, i would send an email to those that i love and let them know. i also did the run-down and thought...does this person know? or this person? and yes, they do. so when i finally arrived at my hotel, feeling quite sentimental and tired, i wrote up the email to them. yes, they all got one email. it was then that i realized i had to ask/answer another question.

do i include him on the email?

i just sat there staring at the email interface. i even typed in his email address. then deleted it. then typed it in again. i mean, jez, it was 3am. i did not need this kind of dilemma. i ended up not including him. i had asked for distance and i ended up thinking that it would be disrespectful to send the email.....particularly since i am not over him. i mean, i should be in or out....and not be jumping back and forth. i've given up on trying to give myself a deadline for the feelings i have for him to dissipate. at this point, i'm wondering if they will. but i think that is another story for another time.

not including him on the email it bothered me all day while i was working though.

because, despite not seeing him or talking to him, i do love him. i think he knows that. at least i hope he knows that. i mean, when you tell someone that despite your best efforts to the contrary, you have unrequited feelings for them, i think one can infer love...even outside of him being one of my closest friends.

so hence....the reason for this posting. i am hoping that by talking about it here.... maybe it will stop bothering me and i will have fulfilled the promise i made to myself of letting those that i love, know that i love them....including the one that i no longer see or talk to, but the love is still there.

damn promises.

Monday, June 15, 2009

oh so lucky

i am not afraid to be smug. even 24 hours later, i am still feeling really smug. why? because i had the opportunity to eat a dinner prepared by CK which was absolutely delicious and amazing....and you didn't.

na-na-na-na.

well, most of you didn't.

still.

na-na-na-na.

i'm still feeling quite lucky about the whole thing. dinner at CK's place included super yummy chick pea fries with romanesco sauce....


very tasty grilled marinated asparagus...


grilled salmon on a bed of corn and mushrooms (see above pic) and dessert.... omg....dessert was a nut tart with roasted apricots

and olive oil ice cream. CK (unlike moi) makes everything from scratch...including the ice cream.

holy shit.

it was an AMAZING meal. btw, i should also give props to LM who was working the grill in their backyard.

i've written previously about CK a couple of times in this blog. as i have mentioned before, CK applies quite a bit of thought and creativity to her food. my opinion has not changed. the food that CK prepares is this lovely melding of the sensual, creative, and intellectual...which is absolutely not easy....and something that cannot be taught. i think she has some amazing instincts and i definitely appreciate the effort and thought that goes behind each CK dish that i have enthusiastically tasted. if she ever decides to pursue a professional outlet for her passion, i have no doubt that she will be very successful. you can get also get a sense of her passion for food from her blog...which is a relatively new endeavor. also, unlike my blog, she also provides useful things like recipes and practical advice.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

the love letter


"do what you have to do and then take the rest of the day off." declared DH to me on friday morning around 7am.

the past week has been some pretty nutty hours. i was extremely tired when i talked to DH that morning so i didn't argue. i stopped working around 10:30 am and seriously contemplated just sleeping the rest of the day. yet, there was something nagging at me.

7x7 was running a contest for a "love letter" to certain SF neighborhoods....and i remember thinking, i'd like to do one...just for the blog even....to help me verbalize some of the things going on with me. the due date for the contest was friday. i didn't think i would make it because work has been to crazy. so DH saying that i should take the day off was almost, like, "a sign". this would give me a chance to go to pac heights and confront a few things...and perhaps "reclaim" that neighborhood as "mine".

so off i went to the city...to confront 6+ months of memories spent with a loved one in pac heights. as i exited the bart station....


hopped into a cab....


and looked out the cab windows...




i could feel a bit of nervousness. it was a similar kind of nervousness and anticipation i felt when i was on my way during the early evenings to see this loved one. "hmmm," i remember thinking to myself, "is this such a good idea after all? am i really ready for this? i miss him." yet, i felt like this was something i needed to do. once the cabbie dropped me off, i set about walking up and down the street,


taking pictures of key places that we spent time together....from Zinc details....

to SPQR....

to la boulange...

and more. i also took a shot of my boudoir...which we did not go in together, but there were moments where we tried not to look at each other when we passed my boudoir...which is a wonderful lingerie store....filled with very tastefully sexy and elegant items.


from an emotional perspective, it wasn't easy taking pics of these spots and revisiting the places i spent with him. not at all. once i was done, i went into bittersweet cafe....which we had also visited for blue bottle coffee

....and i thought it was a bit apropos that i was going to write a bittersweet love letter in a cafe called bittersweet. perhaps this was yet another sign.

to help with this difficult yet necessary task, i ordered their yummy and comforting flight of hot chocolate which included spicy, bittersweet, and classic hot chocolate flavors.

these small warm cups of sweetness supported me through each word.

here is the letter i wrote for the 7x7 contest:

"I fell for you when we first met. Intellectually, I knew it was a bad idea. As a girl born of the ‘loin, how could I dream of a future with Pac Heights? Yet, I was willingly seduced by your charms . My eyes wide open. Now, I find myself sitting here in my self-exile across the bay, reminiscing of the moments when I pretended you were mine. Within each of these moments I could feel myself fall further and hopelessly in love. What were these moments? There were so many. Yet, they were so simple, so everyday. These moments included the admiration of design whimsy at Zinc Details…the studious blushes while passing the evocatively tempting My Boudoir….the weekend mornings of french toast at La Boulange…the warm smiles and coziness over house- made sausage and salumi at SPQR….the late night walks up and down the sloping Fillmore street, and even the random dropping in at Bittersweet for hot and smooth Blue Bottle coffee. Each of these moments made me love you more. Yet, I realize now, sitting in my abode, a bridge and tunnel away, that this love is one that I will hold solely in my memories. I want you to know though, that in each of those moments, I was inexplicably yours."

by the time i had finished writing the letter, i was done with my flight of hot chocolate....


so i ordered a cup of the spicy hot chocolate to sip on


while i logged into the bittersweet cafe wifi.

after i posted the letter to the 7x7 site.... i was practically hyperventilating. this may sound a bit odd, but posting something like that to 7x7 seems a lot more "public" than posting things to this blog. also, despite the letter being framed as a letter to pac heights....there are obviously..... a lot more things wrapped up in that letter....and by putting that letter out there....i also feel like i put myself out there as well.

as i walked to the bus stop...


and hopped on muni away from pac heights,

i couldn't help but feel a bit sad....like something was missing. it makes sense doesn't it? because something is missing.

a piece of me is missing.