you look tired

location: washington dc time: 11:37pm

"you look tired." declared DH to me in the cab on the way to have dinner with some colleagues.

"it is because i am tired." i replied quite wearily.

DH had a good laugh and said "well, i'll always be honest with you."

true. true.

i suppose it all started when i didn't go to sleep on saturday and left my place at 5:30am to go to SFO. i boarded the first plane and we arrived at the runway to take off....then the announcement went out that there was something wrong with the right engine and we would have to go back to the gate. once at the gate, it was decided that components were going to be replaced and that it would take about an hour and half. so it was about this time that i broke out my snack of mango pudding that i purchased at one of the SFO food stalls.


about a couple of hours later, the plane went to the runway again.....we didn't take off. the pilot indicated that there was still something wrong. then we all got off the plane and quite a few series of mishaps occurred that i am too tired to talk about right now. but the upshot is....i am very glad that i have status on this airline or else i probably wouldn't have gotten a seat on that flight. quite a few people were bumped on the flight.

then, when i arrived at the hotel, there was the obligatory work socializing....which is not my favorite activity....and then a business meeting that lasted until midnight eastern standard time. then it was up early for meetings w/the uk office before doing some field work until about 6pm. so it was about 7:30pm this evening when DH said "i looked tired"....while we on our way to do more socializing.

i mean, really, how else am i going to look?

i've learned quite a bit on this trip though. i've learned that keeping folks you work with at a distance is not a bad thing and that i will not be changing my philosophy anytime soon. emotional distance, in this case, is a very good thing. friends are forgiving of personal indiscretions...and i think people often make a crucial mistake and think that people they work with are their friends. while there are exceptions (a met a few of my "inner circle" at work), overall, this is not often the case. in fact, i'm beginning to think that there should be another term...perhaps not frienemies....but something a bit more sinister, actually.

a more accurate term escapes me .... but if you know of one...please let me know.

well, i think it is time for bed.

night and hugs...

me

made it to DC...

location washington, dc
time: 12.44am

well, after a series of mishaps, i made it to DC. i am at my hotel.

i just realized that i forgot to bring my usb cord that allows me to transfer my pics from my camera to my computer. great just great. i'm going to see if i can get one tomorrow. but i must get to bed....i haven't been to bed since friday evening and am feeling quite tired.

hugs to you all!

me

taro frozen yogurt

need i say more?

it is pretty good.

yogurt harmony, 2259 shattuck ave, berkeley, ca 94704-1432, +1 (510) 848-5903, www.yogurtharmony.com

closure with B

i don't know about you....but there is usually a limit to the amount of emotionally tiring activities that i am willing to tackle at a given time. i know that i won't avoid the activities altogether, i put dealing with them on hold until i think i am in the right place to deal with them.

the other day, one of these activities consisted of closing the PO box. it was the PO box that i used for various divorce-oriented paperwork. it was the final piece. it was a pretty emotionally charged event. this evening is the first time i've spoken of it. after i closed the PO box, i stopped into naia for some gelato (2 flavors = rose and strawberry cheesecake).

i hoped that the creamy sweetness would soothe some of the anxiousness that i was feeling. as i was walking, thinking, and tasting the gelato, i realized what i needed was closure.

i never said what i wanted to say. i never said good bye.

the last time i saw B was the night he did what he did. i was devastated, hurt, and angry....yet, right before i left i gave him a hug. i know many of you, dear hearts, were quite befuddled by this and had numerous suggestions of what i should have done instead. yet, even at my most angry, i didn't want to hurt him and i didn't want the last memory to be one of anger and perhaps, one of regret. our communications after that were strictly divorce related and i was in a numb state....i treated the divorce proceedings like a project and attacked it accordingly, wanting to get it done as efficiently as possible. B just went along for the ride. i doubt he read anything he signed. he was probably feeling too guilty.

yet, during that time, i never said, wrote, or communicated anything negative to him. no name calling. no accusations. nothing. i didn't want to hurt him, even with the truth.

i look back on that time and think it is rather amazing that i didn't. he was really lucky. quite.

yet, as a result, i never said what i needed to say. so, now that i've submitted the last of my reports from last week's trip, i am sitting here....finally going to say good bye....almost two years later.

here it goes....

hello B,

thank you.

thank you for doing what you did that night.

your actions that evening were impulsive, thoughtless, and completely absent of care or respect for me as a person. when you asked me not to cut you out of my life and i said that i couldn't promise anything because i didn't know... i lied. yup. i lied. i knew in that moment that once the divorce was finalized, that i never wanted to see, talk to, or hear about you ever again. the fact that you even asked was quite incredulous. i put forth seven years of my life into that relationship and i wasn't about to put forth a day more. my emotions were swirling that evening and included in the pain and the anger, was a surprising feeling of relief. it was a relief to know that i was going to be free. while i was feeling oddly guilty for feeling relief at the time.....it was a relief to know that i was being absolved of my promise, of my commitment to you. toward the end of the marriage i learned what it meant to be lonely and now, it feels good to no longer feel that way.

yet, despite the betrayal and pain that you inflicted, i must thank you for letting me go. because once you let me go, i was able to have the freedom to learn what it means to care and love someone that sees me. not just accepts me. but sees me. i was given the opportunity to understand and feel a dizzingly sense of desire...physically, emotionally, and intellectually, for the first time. it no longer escapes me why people are turned into fools for feelings of love....and why they don't care.

even though it didn't work out with this person and i know that the resulting discomfort will stay with me for a very long time, i would do it all again. in an instant. i have no regrets. i finally understand what it is suppose to feel like, why i didn't have that with you, and why i was never going to have it with you. you were always more emotionally aware than i was and it is no wonder you were so jealous....watching....waiting...to see if the next super intense guy was going to be the "one" where i would discover what was lacking between us. yet, ironically enough, if you hadn't done what you did....then, i would have never have known. i was committed, had no experiences for comparison, and would have never done anything that would have been disrespectful to you as a person.

i think the marriage to you was necessary for me to grow and to understand that if i decide to make a lifetime commitment to someone, they must match me in my passion, drive, intellect, capacity for care, and approach to the world. we both know that you were not my match. you wanted to be, but you weren't. i see now how difficult that must have been difficult on your self esteem...to feel lacking. yet, i am not going to apologize for who i am. these qualities have been with me since i was a child and will remain with me until it is my time to pass on. the marriage between us has taught me that i'd rather forgo that type of relationship completely than be committed to someone that is not capable of walking next to me, our strides in synch.

so thank you B. thank you for letting me go.

good bye.

me

not feeling the gratitude

hmmm. to blog or not to blog. that was a key question for me today.

the heart sister and i met for lunch today. we decided to try something a bit new (to us). we decided to try cafe gratitude which is supremely close to my place. despite being incredibly close to my place and my walking by it on almost a daily basis, i had never put one leather shod foot through the front door. both the heart sister and i were feeling slightly apprehensive about our choice, but what propelled us forward was the memory of CK making a key lime pie based on cafe gratitude recipe. we had also heard that the food was very good.

well, the food was great.



no doubt about it...


i was very happy to plow through my vegan raw food.


it was supremely tasty and filing...although, i must admit that CK's version of the key lime pie tasted significantly better....we think CK had more of the cashew cream layer and remember it being fluffier in texture.

despite the food being great, i kinda felt like i stepped into a cult compound or a vegan version of the stepford wives...or something similar. i wasn't really feeling the atmosphere. i don't think i'm crunchy hippie berkeley enough. also, it wasn't like our waitress wasn't friendly or anything like that...she was pretty friendly. yet, i couldn't bring myself to order the food by their titles which were phrases like "i am awakening" and "i am celebrating".

this is why i've been pondering whether or not to blog about the experience.

the food is excellent. i enjoy good vegan food and these folks definitely know how to prepare vegan food well. yet, the atmosphere of cafe gratitude does not appeal to me. it makes sense, i don't think it was meant to appeal to me and my particular mindset. so i will leave it up to you dear reader.....to make your own decision on whether or not you'd like to go beyond this vicarious visit through this blog posting or see for yourself. just be prepared to check any snarkiness at the door. take it from me, it is pretty difficult.

cafe gratitude, 1730 shattuck street, berkeley, ca 94709, (415) 824-4652

random pluminess

how's this for a random foodie hunter moment?

a neighbor of mine has a fairly large plum tree in their front yard. the branches are well beyond my reach...even the branches above the very public side walk.

often times, i just see smashed plums or the pits on the sidewalk and think quite longingly "ummm, that is too bad." i recall from my days as a neophyte foodie hunter just how great plums are right off the tree....still warm from the sun. yet today dear hearts, there was a perfectly formed plum just waiting on the side walk for me.

i scurried home with my find, thoroughly washed it,

then cut it up.

right away i noticed a marked difference from other plums i've purchased.....as when i pierced the fruit's skin....the aroma was absolutely lovely. ahhh, "this is summer." i thought to myself....breathing in and tasting the sweet tartness of the warm fruit.

what a lovely and a truly random treat.

foodiehunter and bún bò huế at kim huong

the foodie hunter put a toe outside of the closet today when i handed one of the owners of kim huong a cd with the best bun bo hue pictures i have taken. these are the pics that i have posted on yelp and on flickr. the owners still have no idea that i write this blog though...the foodie hunter is only going to go so far outside of the semi-anonymity closet.

it all began last week when i overheard new customers saying positive things about the pics on yelp to one of the owners. she said that other people have said that to her before but that she hadn't gone to see the pics. i felt a bit funny to hear this....and decided to tell the owner later on that i had decided to post pics on yelp because there weren't that many (i.e., 2 pictures). not to be a shit or anything, but there is only one other nice pic on the kim huong yelp page that isn't mine. i had decided a few months ago to post some of my better pics of the places that i really like on yelp, in hopes that it would entice people to visit some of my faves.

in this economy, i'm extremely conscious about the independent places that i want to stay in business. just to be clear, i don't get paid to do this. i only do this for places that i actually enjoy. it really hit home for me when stacey's bookstore on market street closed in the city. this is a fate that i do not want to see for kim huong or other independent businesses that i love.

i've been going to kim huong for a long time now and i think most of you know that it is one of my sanctuaries. i pretty much only order the bun bo hue. it is one of my favorite vietnamese soups and they do it very well here. for even more of my pics and postings about the bun bo hue, please feel free to visit here. yet, here are my shots from today...


one of these days, i'll probably deviate and order something else...but unlikely anytime soon. i order the bun bo hue because it is absolutely amazing with its spicy beef pork broth with succlent slices of meat and chewy thick round noodles.


i have been searching for years for a place that does it just how i like it.


i'm still not sick of it. yet, there are other reasons why i visit kim huong that i wanted to share with you.

kim huong is clean.

for some of you, this may be a funny statement to read....but when you go into predominately asian areas in the states, cleanliness is not exactly a given.

kim huong welcomes vietnamese and non-vietnamese alike.

the owners are always really nice to me and know who i am. yet, because i go so often, i am also able to see how they treat other customers.....new customers and regulars. they have always been super friendly and very patient with customers that are not familiar with vietnamese food. for example, there were a few young men eating at the bar area today, and the owner was answering their questions about vietnamese food and history in general. i appreciate this quite a bit....growing up, i do recall many a time where many vietnamese places act like you have to have a secret "club card" aka "be vietnamese" to get ok service. as a result, i would be very judicious about taking people into these places. at kim huong, they also don't treat non-vietnamese people with any hint or level of condescension. i would be very comfortable taking any of my non-vietnamese friends here. the customer base at kim huong reflects the diversity of the bay area....i've seen all ethnicities eat here....doesn't matter if you are vietnamese, chinese, japanese, korean, african american, flilipino, white, latino, or hapa ....it really doesn't matter....and i like that alot.

if you are in or around downtown oakland, i would highly recommend that you drop by and see for yourself...just don't tell them that the foodie hunter sent you. still trying to be semi-anonymous here.

kim huong, 304 10th Street (between Harrison St & Webster St), oakland, ca 94607, (510) 836-3139, www.kimhuong.net

back home

super quick posting tonight as i am quite jet lagged and knackered. the bed is beckoning...enticing me to snuggle....and i doubt that i'll be able to resist for much longer.

i didn't get much sleep last night....the taxi picked me up at 5am in orlando and after a snafu at the airport, i made it on the plane. thank the gawds for airline status. i did not want to be spending another night in orlando. i ended up touching down at SFO about 9ish and have been running around and am soooo ready for bed. i'll blog more later....but the day became considerably better when i popped into udupi palace for a quick early dinner. it was a special....of uthapamm with onion and peas, a mini masala dosa, a mini dosa with spinach and potatoes, an idly, and a medu vada.

it was just what i needed after eating so much crap in orlando.

i love the bay area.

i really do. such a lucky foodie hunter.

night all,

me

btw: i'm not moving to england. more on that later too.

udupi palace, 1901 university Ave (and MLK), berkeley, CA 94704, +1 510 843 6600...bring your cash. not your credit cards..

ummm. not so cute in orlando

location: orlando (picture is of orlando convention center)
time: 11:53pm eastern standard time

on a good day, when i've got my style going on and little jaunt in my step...folks may consider me cute. tops. seriously. me no angelina folks.

it is wise to have some self-awareness.

i have definitely not been looking oh so cute while in orlando. style wise, i decided to go for the professional almost matronly look. for the past few days, i've been attending an AV hardware show for gawd's sake. i hadn't attended a hard core technology show in a long time, but i remember quite clearly that having your style on isn't really a good idea. one just has to have ovaries to stand out here. when dudes check you out, it isn't anything personal...it also doesn't mean you are cute...it just means that you are female. so having your style on at these sort of events attracts even more attention. despite my matronly wear, i found that i've put my "WTF are you looking at?" face to use quite a bit while stomping ...err... walking the show floor over the past few days.

in addition to my looking a lot more matronly on this trip, i've been feeling bloated and all around grumpy at the food within walking distance. i mean, the best i was able to come up with today was yogurt (that contains a lot of sugar/fructose corn syrup) and water.


overall, bloated + matronly style + grumpy = not so cute foodie hunter.

because i was so grumpy, i decided to take a break before one of my meetings by sitting on one of the benches outside of the convention hall. so i was sitting there, responding to various emails on my blackberry. then a guy that worked for one of the big hardware vendors exhibiting asked if he could sit down on the bench, i said "sure" while not looking up from my blackberry. didn't think anything of it. seating areas are at a premium at conventions. he then proceeded to call a colleague. when he is done, he turns to me and asks "how are you liking the conference?"

"huh?" i said while looking at him.

in a space of a few seconds i assessed that
1) he wasn't slimy (i.e., he wasn't looking at me like i was 1 of 10 women left on the planet)
2) he was probably taking a break from his booth duty
3) this would actually give me an opportunity to pick his brain about the attendee traffic in the exhibit hall from a vendor perspective

i told him that it was my first time at the conference and then asked him what he thought of the foot traffic. well, why not get right to what i want to know? he was game and told me what his thoughts were about the traffic in comparison to the last few years he has attended. then we ended up talking about the US economy, the global economy, global politics, transportation systems in denmark, london, paris vs US, sustainable business practices, universal health care, and cultural diversity.

this isn't exactly small talk.

i'm pretty certain that i wasn't flirty either. i didn't see him as being flirty either. so didn't even think twice when the business card came out as the conversation was winding down. in previous careers, when i had to be in the field... the business card exchange was pretty normal.....you know "networking". yet, instead of saying "well, we should set up a meeting to talk about potential partnerships between our companies...etc.." or something along those lines. it was way different.

it was different because when he handed me his card he said that i should let him know when i am in town (he's canadian) and that he'd take me out. ummm, taking me out is a lot different than "we should meet up for lunch sometime to discuss X or Y business opportunities". he also said that he goes to a SoCal city on business really often and wanted to know how far that was from the bay area. i told him it was pretty far. i said that i didn't have my cards (which was true...but i'm also not one to hand out the contact info anyway for non-business purposes....you can give me your info if you want, but it doesn't mean you are going to have mine.)

then he said that he'd like me to email him so that he could have my contact email. he said that he'd like to have my email address so that he would be able to send me a note when he was in my area and that he'd like to get together sometime.

my instant thought was "i am so not ready for this kind of thing."

so i just smiled and said nothing. we said our goodbyes as he had to get back to booth duty and i had to go to my meeting. you know, i have to admit. it was pretty well done. i didn't see that one coming. it was pretty smooth. i enjoyed the conversation.

i am going to anticipate the question from you dear hearts.....no, i'm not going to email him. the business card is going to stay here, in orlando.

i am not ready for this sort of game.

it is pretty funny though, what unexpected things that can happen when i'm feeling not so cute in orlando.

being bad. very bad.

so i obviously know better.

however, despite knowing better, i've been bad....very very very bad.

what is it about business travel, seemingly in the middle of nowhere, that i end up eating so badly?

i don't know...maybe because i'd rather not be here? it is different when i am in a major urban city for business, then i get all excited and try to sneak away find good places to eat. but, it always happens when i'm in a place like orlando....or iowa....or itasca.....or some other place that most of you dear hearts have never been to or have never heard of.....i eat quite horribly.

maybe i'll be better tomorrow. i already feel the difference in my body from not having eaten too well the last couple of days.

what have i been eating? well, things like these mini-donuts that they sell at the convention center.....


the first couple are pretty tasty...especially when they are freshly fried. yet, after the third or fourth mini....the body starts feeling kind of odd. i would not recommend eating them non-freshly fried. i think the body could have held up ok given all of the stomping around that i've been doing the last couple of days...but i've also been eating other stuff as well.

what else have i eaten?

ummmm. chili dogs and fries.


you know that these aren't organic, sustainable, no hormones, etc. etc....and were definitely not served with socio-political revolutionary statements on the walls.

it is my own fault though.

i know that i should be eating better and should be trying to find better options. the last couple of days i have been going for what is "easy" (i.e., what is closest to me in the convention center) rather than what is "good".....as in relatively good for me. maybe that will be a goal for myself tomorrow....to try to find relatively good food for my last day here.

we'll see.

hong kong redux

location: orlando
time: 10pm

well, i'm finally here. i arrived at my hotel in orlando about 3am. it has been an interesting trip so far.

i felt a bit nervous on the way to SFO yesterday when i saw that my flight would be going through thunderstorms. at first, i thought my nervousness was a bit odd. the particularly frightening flight back from hong kong was in november and i've done thousands and thousands of miles in the air since then with no emo issues. then i realized that it was also the recent tragedy with the air france flight that contributed to my nervousness.

i ended up placating my bit of nervousness with trying out some random coconut pudding from one of the airport food places, it was kind of interesting and was a welcome distraction...

yet, the nervousness didn't help very much when we ended up having to de-board the plane because there was something wrong with the weather radar antenna on the plane. nice. so i just ended up parking on the floor for a while, wondering what would happen if i just didn't go.


we eventually boarded the plane about 4 hours after we were scheduled to leave....and the turbulence hit pretty quickly and was quite consistent throughout the flight. the turbulence was no where near the scale of the hong kong flight.

thankfully.

i'd rather not experience myself floating above my seat listening to people scream and laugh around me again. i kept reminding myself that this wasn't like the hong kong flight and i have actually experienced bumpier rides than this one...yet, for some reason, the nervousness and tension would not subside. i couldn't even eat the flight meal.

then, i promised myself that as soon as i got to my hotel, i would send an email to those that i love and let them know. i also did the run-down and thought...does this person know? or this person? and yes, they do. so when i finally arrived at my hotel, feeling quite sentimental and tired, i wrote up the email to them. yes, they all got one email. it was then that i realized i had to ask/answer another question.

do i include him on the email?

i just sat there staring at the email interface. i even typed in his email address. then deleted it. then typed it in again. i mean, jez, it was 3am. i did not need this kind of dilemma. i ended up not including him. i had asked for distance and i ended up thinking that it would be disrespectful to send the email.....particularly since i am not over him. i mean, i should be in or out....and not be jumping back and forth. i've given up on trying to give myself a deadline for the feelings i have for him to dissipate. at this point, i'm wondering if they will. but i think that is another story for another time.

not including him on the email it bothered me all day while i was working though.

because, despite not seeing him or talking to him, i do love him. i think he knows that. at least i hope he knows that. i mean, when you tell someone that despite your best efforts to the contrary, you have unrequited feelings for them, i think one can infer love...even outside of him being one of my closest friends.

so hence....the reason for this posting. i am hoping that by talking about it here.... maybe it will stop bothering me and i will have fulfilled the promise i made to myself of letting those that i love, know that i love them....including the one that i no longer see or talk to, but the love is still there.

damn promises.

oh so lucky

i am not afraid to be smug. even 24 hours later, i am still feeling really smug. why? because i had the opportunity to eat a dinner prepared by CK which was absolutely delicious and amazing....and you didn't.

na-na-na-na.

well, most of you didn't.

still.

na-na-na-na.

i'm still feeling quite lucky about the whole thing. dinner at CK's place included super yummy chick pea fries with romanesco sauce....


very tasty grilled marinated asparagus...


grilled salmon on a bed of corn and mushrooms (see above pic) and dessert.... omg....dessert was a nut tart with roasted apricots

and olive oil ice cream. CK (unlike moi) makes everything from scratch...including the ice cream.

holy shit.

it was an AMAZING meal. btw, i should also give props to LM who was working the grill in their backyard.

i've written previously about CK a couple of times in this blog. as i have mentioned before, CK applies quite a bit of thought and creativity to her food. my opinion has not changed. the food that CK prepares is this lovely melding of the sensual, creative, and intellectual...which is absolutely not easy....and something that cannot be taught. i think she has some amazing instincts and i definitely appreciate the effort and thought that goes behind each CK dish that i have enthusiastically tasted. if she ever decides to pursue a professional outlet for her passion, i have no doubt that she will be very successful. you can get also get a sense of her passion for food from her blog...which is a relatively new endeavor. also, unlike my blog, she also provides useful things like recipes and practical advice.

the love letter

"do what you have to do and then take the rest of the day off." declared DH to me on friday morning around 7am.

the past week has been some pretty nutty hours. i was extremely tired when i talked to DH that morning so i didn't argue. i stopped working around 10:30 am and seriously contemplated just sleeping the rest of the day. yet, there was something nagging at me.

7x7 was running a contest for a "love letter" to certain SF neighborhoods....and i remember thinking, i'd like to do one...just for the blog even....to help me verbalize some of the things going on with me. the due date for the contest was friday. i didn't think i would make it because work has been to crazy. so DH saying that i should take the day off was almost, like, "a sign". this would give me a chance to go to pac heights and confront a few things...and perhaps "reclaim" that neighborhood as "mine".

so off i went to the city...to confront 6+ months of memories spent with a loved one in pac heights. as i exited the bart station....


hopped into a cab....


and looked out the cab windows...




i could feel a bit of nervousness. it was a similar kind of nervousness and anticipation i felt when i was on my way during the early evenings to see this loved one. "hmmm," i remember thinking to myself, "is this such a good idea after all? am i really ready for this? i miss him." yet, i felt like this was something i needed to do. once the cabbie dropped me off, i set about walking up and down the street,


taking pictures of key places that we spent time together....from Zinc details....

to SPQR....

to la boulange...

and more. i also took a shot of my boudoir...which we did not go in together, but there were moments where we tried not to look at each other when we passed my boudoir...which is a wonderful lingerie store....filled with very tastefully sexy and elegant items.


from an emotional perspective, it wasn't easy taking pics of these spots and revisiting the places i spent with him. not at all. once i was done, i went into bittersweet cafe....which we had also visited for blue bottle coffee

....and i thought it was a bit apropos that i was going to write a bittersweet love letter in a cafe called bittersweet. perhaps this was yet another sign.

to help with this difficult yet necessary task, i ordered their yummy and comforting flight of hot chocolate which included spicy, bittersweet, and classic hot chocolate flavors.

these small warm cups of sweetness supported me through each word.

here is the letter i wrote for the 7x7 contest:

"I fell for you when we first met. Intellectually, I knew it was a bad idea. As a girl born of the ‘loin, how could I dream of a future with Pac Heights? Yet, I was willingly seduced by your charms . My eyes wide open. Now, I find myself sitting here in my self-exile across the bay, reminiscing of the moments when I pretended you were mine. Within each of these moments I could feel myself fall further and hopelessly in love. What were these moments? There were so many. Yet, they were so simple, so everyday. These moments included the admiration of design whimsy at Zinc Details…the studious blushes while passing the evocatively tempting My Boudoir….the weekend mornings of french toast at La Boulange…the warm smiles and coziness over house- made sausage and salumi at SPQR….the late night walks up and down the sloping Fillmore street, and even the random dropping in at Bittersweet for hot and smooth Blue Bottle coffee. Each of these moments made me love you more. Yet, I realize now, sitting in my abode, a bridge and tunnel away, that this love is one that I will hold solely in my memories. I want you to know though, that in each of those moments, I was inexplicably yours."

by the time i had finished writing the letter, i was done with my flight of hot chocolate....


so i ordered a cup of the spicy hot chocolate to sip on


while i logged into the bittersweet cafe wifi.

after i posted the letter to the 7x7 site.... i was practically hyperventilating. this may sound a bit odd, but posting something like that to 7x7 seems a lot more "public" than posting things to this blog. also, despite the letter being framed as a letter to pac heights....there are obviously..... a lot more things wrapped up in that letter....and by putting that letter out there....i also feel like i put myself out there as well.

as i walked to the bus stop...


and hopped on muni away from pac heights,

i couldn't help but feel a bit sad....like something was missing. it makes sense doesn't it? because something is missing.

a piece of me is missing.

geek love: the boys of comic relief

i took a break for lunch today to drop by one of my favorite berkeley bookstores stores, comic relief, and grabbed some yummerific south indian food at udupi palace. yet, before i delve into various pics of my lovely lunch, i wanted to take a few moments to give some props out to comic relief.... specifically to the a few of the guys that work there.

before i begin though....i have a couple of caveats:

1) my hands-down favorite "staff" members are ash and ember.
2) i know that a couple of gals work at comic relief. they seem really nice. yet, i typically visit during the day and have rarely (i.e., twice in a whole lot of visits) interacted with them. females are represented at comic relief. they do, contrary to the yelp reviews, exist.

ok, now that we've gotten that out of the way....i visit comic relief on a weekly basis. it is one of my sanctuaries and it gives me a motivating reason for taking a break from work in order to browse, loose myself, and escape into other worlds for a little while. i love taking people who love comics into comic relief. they often have their doubts at first....especially when they hear me say that it is the best comic bookstore. ever.

dem some big words. big implied promises in those words. expectations are quite high.

then i just watch as we walk inside and when they look at me in disbelief....i just say "see! told ya." don't believe me? you can see pics here.

after my visit today, i thought that i should give props to my fave guys at the store. i'm pretty certain they have no idea that they are my faves or what i'm about to tell you. i'm pretty good at keeping things close.... and well, there is only one comic relief and i am not about to muddy the water by playing favorites in the store. so each staff member gets treated with the same distant politeness by the foodie hunter.

yet, since they have no idea that this blog exists or who i am, it seems safe to tell you who my three favorites are. they are in no particular order....as they are equal faves in my eyes...for different reasons.

the teddy bear
so....TB is quite adorable. he reminds me of a teddy bear that you'd want to snuggle with. he's kinda shy, always nice, and sometimes looks in disbelief when the other guys are in their full-on geek out mode. i almost told him today that i thought his red wolverine (my fave x-men) t-shirt was cool, but i didn't want to put him into shock. for those who visit often...he's not the one with the glasses.

the lanky one
LO has a wiry build, glasses, short hair, with various amounts of facial hair. when you see LO, there is no mistaking that he is a geek. nope, none at all. he is super nice and when he gets his comic geek on he lights up so bright that i bet i could see him across the street. he has a great smile. he also doesn't mind when i ask him to reach for things well beyond the foodie hunter's reach and is never judgemental about what i buy.

the snarky one
SO sometimes looks at people like he wants to take them down. grrrr. with his short dark hair, full beard, various tats, seemly affinity for plaids, i could see how he would be a bit intimidating to certain people. he definitely has his opinions and is not afraid to state them. clearly. he's pretty funny when he gets his comic book geek on though. actually, he's pretty funny in general.

so there you have it. my three favorite guys at comic relief aka the best comic bookstore. ever.

now....lets move on to the absolutely yummy lunch i had today after my weekly visit to comic relief. i have become quite the fan and regular at udupi palace as well. i wanted to try something new today so i ordered the masala rava dosa....a rava dosa is a dosa made from semolina flour instead of rice and lentils. the always friendly lady server let me know that the rava dosa would take about 20 min...which i was fine with. hey, i'm working at least until midnight tonight, so i'm not going to begrudge myself a longer than usual lunch break. when it arrived, i couldn't help but think how beautiful it was....

look at that lovely lattice-like pattern...


it was extremely tasty. not a big surprise. everything i've eaten here has been very tasty (including a paneer dosa they had on special that i tried based on aiza's recommendation). i also noticed that unlike regular dosas, the rava dosas have full cumin seeds mixed into the batter.

the chutneys were great as usual (spicy on the left and coconut on the right)


and the spiced potatoes were a yummy complement to the rava dosa.

i was in the mood for something sweet when i was done though....


so i ordered the carrot halwa


which is very comforting with its buttery-carroty-goodiness...


sigh. it was a good break.

well, i've got to delve back into international email politics and research. yet, it was fun to take this break with you though. i also know that i will continue to be a regular at updupi palace and comic relief. because, sometimes, the foodie hunter really needs something not-work related to look forward to during the day.


udupi palace, 1901 university Ave (and MLK), berkeley, CA 94704, +1 510 843 6600...bring your cash. not your credit cards..

comic relief, 2026 shattuck ave., berkeley, ca 94704, +1 510 843 5002, info@comicrelief.net

a perfect moment at humphry slocombe

i had been wanting to try the ice cream at humphry slocombe for quite some time. this past weekend, i made a special trip into the city...just for that purpose.

when i arrived at humphry slocombe, i noticed right away how unassuming it looked from the outside.


i also had a feeling that i was in the right place because i saw a bunch of white people hanging around this area. white people are in the minority at 24th and harrison.

when i walked in the front door, i noticed that there is definitely a bit of tasteful whimsy to the design touches.... from small things like the business cards....


to the campbell soup art on the walls ....to the cheeky write up of the current flavors...


to the chairs along the sit down counter-like table facing the outside....

it was a bit difficult to make a decision on what flavors to try. yet, i decided upon a scoop of the secret breakfast (i.e., bourbon and corn flakes) ice cream and a scoop of the blue bottle vietnamese coffee. (see top image)

the ice cream was simply amazing. delicious. superb.

i was slowly and methodically making my way through each spoonful....wanting to saveur the taste as much as possible.

as i was sitting there, i realized what a lovely moment it was. i was taking a break from work. it was a beautiful sunny day in the mission. i had finally visited this place after thinking about it for weeks. it met my expectations and then some....and i was just enjoying my ice cream. it felt quite good.


it was....a perfect moment.

humphry slocombe, 2790 harrison street (at 24th), san francisco, ca 94110, + 1 415 550 6971, hours: tuesday-sunday, 12pm to 9pm, closed mondays, cash only

beautiful & bewildered

it has been a lovely foodie weekend. before i delve into international email politics, i wanted to share my brunch time experience today. it began with my rolling out of bed quite late and looking for something yummy, close to my place, and comforting. unsurprisingly enough, i ended up at guerilla cafe.


i love guerilla cafe. not only do i enjoy the food, i also enjoy the scenery. i'm fairly certain that i have blogged about this before....but for those of you who are new the blog, guerilla is also known among myself and my close friends as the "beautiful people cafe". i don't know what it is about the people that work there...but it is the land of the beautiful sexy people. in particular, the women range from lovely to ...ahh super stunning. the guys aren't exactly ugly either....but next to the women...the men that work there are definitely overshadowed.

sometimes, you just have to call it like it is.

i'm a big fan of their waffles, but today, i was in the mood for something a bit homey. so i ordered their savory polenta porridge....


which is supremely yummy with grilled mushrooms, sun dried tomatoes, cheese, and chives...


it was just what i needed this morning. after i finished up my polenta, i took a quick jaunt over to the love at first bite, the cupcakery. another regular stop for the foodie hunter.

you can always tell who visits love at first bite on a regular basis and who doesn't. when i walked into the bakery, there was a young man who looked a bit bewildered and holding his bike helmet. it was kinda funny to watch. he then asked another customer who had just bitten into a lemon pistachio cupcake if that was the green tea cupcake.

fyi. dead giveaway to not being a regular.

after the lemon pistachio customer informed the bewildered young man about the flavor of the just bitten cupcake, they asked the bewildered young man quite kindly "first time here?"

"yeah. i live on the other side of berkeley. it is my friend's birthday and she loves cupcakes."

the young man ended up choosing the raspberry, green tea, and mud pie flavors. this is when the foodie hunter actually decided to pipe into the conversation with "i bet she'll really like it."

big shock isn't it? the foodie hunter initiating conversation with an unfamiliar young man. this just shows the power of the cupcake.

the young man then said "yeah, how could anyone not?"

"hmmm." the foodie hunter nodded..."i live around here and it is hard not to come in more often."

"i was just thinking that! if i lived here, i'd probably be here all of the time."

then he paid for his cupcakes and i stepped up to the cashier to order mine.


there have been many a time where i've ordered a dozen of various flavors. yet, this time, i just ordered some mini cupcakes (red velvet, strawberry, and lemon) to help sustain me throughout this evening. they are my reward for working this evening...i have a feeling it is going to be a long night.

guerilla cafe, 1620 shattuck ave., berkeley, ca, 97709, +1 510-845-CAFE (2233)

love at first bite bakery, 1510 walnut street, suite g, berkeley, ca 94709, Phone: + 1 510 848-5727

ghosts, shandy, and cheese puffs after midnight

hmmm. i think most of you dear readers...know that my postings after midnight may often be a bit pensive, surreal, or just plain odd.

yet, they are always very honest.

there is something about writing after midnight...maybe it is the weariness...that seems to provide me with almost a safe haven to be as pensive and honest as i want to be. this has been the case since i was a neophyte foodie hunter. i think if i had my druthers i'd be a night owl. many a night i would find myself writing in my various journals by the street light beaming through my bedroom window. however, when i was a neophyte foodie hunter, i hadn't figured out how to make my own shandy....which i am drinking right now. it is quite refreshing actually and is likely assisting in my relaxed pensive state. i know it is a wussy drink....but it suits me quite nicely. for the shandy, i use one part sparkling water, one part beer (in this case it is abita amber), with meyer lemon, and agave. it goes quite nicely with cheese puffs. so here i am, writing.....and thinking about friendship, love, and loss....while drinking shandy and eating cheese puffs.

i should warn you right now that this post is going to be a bit...hmmmm...intense....and is not about food...so if you are not in the mood....i think you should stop reading right now.

...........

i view friendship as a gift...an unexpected one that should not be taken for granted. i know i have said quite a bit in this blog over the past year about how the most important thing for me is that those i love to know that i love them. i also know that this has befuddled some people and they wonder where it comes from. it comes from a culmination of experiences that have shaped who i am today. yet, it is around this time every year, that i remember a particularly significant one.

i was fourteen and a sophmore in high school when i met jeff in my honors geometry class. we were in completely different social stratospheres. i spent a rather inordinate amount of time at that age cultivating an active social life. i figured if i was only going to be in high school for a couple of years, (and given that this would be my last year in high school) i would make the most of it socially. i can be very goal-oriented. jeff, extremely bright, couldn't have cared less about the social cliques and to say that his home life was rather unpleasant would have been an extreme understatement. jeff and i became friends. sometimes, we recognize people upon first meeting. we talked about lots of things from books, to comics, to math, to religion, to whatever came to mind. i urged him to express himself through his drawings....as i knew that we each needed to have our outlet...our sanctuaries. for me it was writing and for jeff, it was his comics. as that year drew to a close and i was getting mentally prepared for my first year of college, jeff handed me a letter the last day of class.

here is an excerpt from the letter....

"There is one thing that I didn't include in the note I left in your yearbook supplement. That one thing is that I am eternally grateful for what you have done to me. After I got into trouble for writing the story, "Jealousy", I turned hateful of all those whom I didn't already know. My soul was inundated with foreign feelings which included anger, rage, and malice. These feelings took over and the feelings that were worth anything, like love, were enclosed in a steel safe in my head and I disregarded them. This safe kept in all the good in me and all the bad was flowing free in my body, controlling not only my mind but my physical actions as well. In short, I was becoming a homicidal maniac and I felt no caring and no remorse for anyone with the exception of my own best friends. I thought that all the good in me was lost, but a miracle, you, found the key and unlocked the safe. You personally crashed down the wall in me and gave life to those feelings which had been lost. You freed feelings that I thought I would never feel again and showed me through your cheerful attitude that life was indeed worth living. Without you, my heart would have stayed black as coal and my soul would have evolved into one of the cruel in existence. You also saved my sanity. I literally would have torn myself apart inside and hatred would have engulfed my mind so much that I might have killed. I don't know exactly how you stopped my inevitable insanity, maybe it was your smile, the way you talked, the way you laughed, or just the way you cared for me....Thank you for being my conscience...Well, I am glad that I finally told you my real feelings. Please don't feel any remorse about leaving for I will keep in touch and I will never forget what you did for me. You have done so much for me, and I have done so little for you, I owe my soul to you. Thank you for being there."

jeff was sixteen when he gave me that letter. for about a year after i left high school, we hung out every once in a while. there would be a group of us that would hang out on the beaches of santa cruz until ungodly hours. yet, slowly we lost touch. there was no drama....it was just being wrapped up in different lives. unlike high school, i actually put significant effort into my classwork in college. i saw college as my ticket to independence. also, at the time, i thought...oh there will always be enough time to catch up. then one day, when i was about 16, i received a voicemail message from a former classmate. she said that she had been trying to track me down because jeff's memorial service was the next day.

there are certain details that i remember very little....like...i don't remember how exactly i got to the service. yet, i remember being very angry when i was actually at the service. i remember being extraordinarily angry at some of my former classmates for even having the gaul to attend the service given their behavior towards him. i remember thinking "what right did they have to honor him in death when they didn't in life?". it was then that i realized that funerals were for the living....and not for the dead. i remember not crying until i was hugging jeff's best friend. it was too hard not to. when he asked if i was going to the later event, i shook my head as i looked at some of the people and said that i couldn't. jeff's best friend understood.

i remember being extraordinarily angry at myself as well. for a long time. i was never angry at jeff though. i understood why he did what he did. i just wish that he would have held on for a while longer....so that he could see that he had choices. yet, i understand that sometimes it is difficult to realize that there are ways out....even when you feel helpless.

throughout the years, i look upon knowing him as a gift. i was fortunate to have met him and to have been his friend. this experience is also one of the reasons why i want those i love to know that i love them...since we really don't know what tomorrow will bring. not really.

so tonight....at 2am....in my very pensive mood....i find myself lifting my glass of shandy to toast "to friends no longer with us, but not forgotten."

sniggles at the trappist

i woke up with the sniggles this morning.

wtf is a sniggle?

sniggle = snicker + giggle

i just made it up the other night. i haven't googled it...so who knows if it is already in use or not...yet, i like the term and think i'll be looking for ways to incorporate it into my vocab. i met up with some friends at the trappist last night. there were quite a few sniggle moments. it was my first time there and seemed to have a mellow and non-meat-market-y kind of vibe. this was a relief. i know certain friends are actively looking. yet, i am not in that space right now. i was more interested in just hanging out, being somewhat social, and watching the scene.

i met the best friend outside and then we walked in together. we parked by a "ledge" by the front door and hung up our bags on the handy hooks under said ledge. the best friend had to go visit the restroom, so i had a decision to make. should i break out my scott pilgrim comic book that i had been reading on BART? yes, so cool.... i know. i may be socially retarded but i do know that being a female alone in a bar makes one prone to being a target. it is a kin to being the lame zebra that is trailing away from the safety of the herd and has been identified by predators as potential target. i have/had no desire to be a lame zebra.

thankfully, i saw the book and grabbed it. what was this book? it was the book of beers offered by the trappist.


sure enough, i think i had just barely cracked open the book when i could see out of my peripheral vision a dude with a beer walking toward me. "just freakin' great." i muttered. then i asked myself "what tactic should i employ here?" i decided upon studious avoidance. i pretended to be incredibly engrossed in the book. sometimes it helps to be short. i looked down at the book and hence could only see the dude's beer, trousers, and shoes in my peripheral as he stood facing me. he said nothing. i said nothing. if it wasn't so noisy, you could have probably heard me turn the pages of the trappist tomb quite slowly....so fascinated was i.

i could almost hear the gears turning in the guy's head "does she see me? or not?"

i breathed a sigh of relief as he slowly walked away and then got serious about choosing my beer. i decided upon the balthazar because it was brewed with spices that include ginger, coriander, and cardamon. once i ordered and paid for the drink, i proceeded to take pictures until more people arrived. just a fyi, taking pictures when you are by yourself is also a good way to avoid 1:1 interactions.


the sniggle moments of the evening though, came much later on...just one moment was when a young lad approached the group with the clear attention of obtaining a certain someone's number. if she feels like revealing herself, i'm certain she will. quite earnest and determined he was. i must confess that it also took some bravery on his part...and have to give him props for it. another key sniggle moment was when this gal at the bar broke out her monopod? (i still have to look this up)...it is basically a portable rod that works like an extended arm and allows you to take pictures from a distance. i want one. when a guy at the bar asked if it was a beta or something, the gal said something like "what? you think because i'm asian that i'm all into the latest thing?" i almost peed in my pants with sniggles on that one. the gal also said a few choice snarky things throughout the night that if wasn't culturally inappropriate....or may have been mis-interpreted as my hitting on her.... i would have said "hey, what is your name? i'm [foodie hunter] you seeem really cool." instead, i just turned to my best friend and said simply "i like her."

we all know that i don't like that many people.

so when i woke up this morning, i woke up with the sniggles thinking about some of the events of last night. it was a good night.

it really is good to be good.



the trappist, 460 8th Street (off Broadway),Oakland, California, +1 510 238 8900

mischief with red velvet apricots

after i finished up my 7am meeting with the paris office, responded to some emails from the spain folks, and completed IM discussions with folks at the middle east meeting (can i just say again...how pleased as punch that i don't have to be at THAT meeting...anyway)...i was sooooo ready to step away from my computer for a bit of a break and processing. processing about the job that is....these new responsibilities are interesting. i suppose the foodie hunter hasn't forgotten how to be political...although she has had a nice break from it for a few years now. it was nice while it lasted.

so the foodie hunter, c'est moi, stepped into the place that i typically step into when i need a break and to process a few things. i stepped into my kitchen and decided it was time to do some mischief with the recently acquired red velvet apricots.

as i was washing the remaining red velvet apricots, i noticed immediately that they were significantly softer. as i had blogged about previously, i had just purchased them yesterday.

"i bet they look different inside now"...i thought to myself...and you know what? they did....


if you saw the pics i posted from yesterday, you can see how different they look today. looks like they ripened quite a bit within the past 24 hours.


for the first experiment, i decided to try something i dreamed about last night. yup, the foodie hunter even dreams about food! i dreamed about making a spicy caramelizing flavor with the red velvet apricots....and was trying to figure out how i could do this quickly without a blowtorch. in my dream, i had one of those creme brulee blow torches. as a compromise, i heated up a glass pie plate in the oven while i was prepping the red velvet apricots and the brown sugar and cayenne mixture....



then proceeded to coat the cut halves with the brown sugar and cayenne....



then i thought to myself..."hmmm, next question....face up or face down? hmmmm...why not both? so both i did."

while that was in the hot 500 degree oven, i proceeded to make experiment number 2...which consisted of toasted acme upstairs bread with goat cheese



and fresh slices of the red velvet apricot.


this was very yummy btw. the different textures (i.e., crispy toast, smooth creamy goat cheese, and the tangy softness of the fruit) was also fun as well.

it didn't take very long for my semi-roasted/caramelized red velvet apricots to be ready.

hmmm. hello...can you say "food porn"?




i must say.....these were very pretty. the one on the left was the face up and the one on the right was face down. just in case you were curious. yet, i couldn't leave it alone and decided to add some fresh fromage blanc that i had in the fridge.


ideally, i would have preferred creme fraiche..yet, no creme fraiche in the foodie hunter fridge today. it looked really good...

wow, this was tart. quite.

the roasting definitely brought out the tart flavors. the red velvet apricot, brown sugar, and cayenne combo provided a tart, sweet, and spicy flavor that actually reminded me of spicy tamarind candy. the farmer's cheese helped mellow it out a bit....yet, i think a better creamy complement would have been mascarpone, creme fraiche, or ricotta.

yet, i must admit that my favorite way to eat the red velvet apricots are plain. just as they are. yet, it was fun to tinker and make a bit of mischief though.

red velvet apricots

i've been keeping busy.

busy busy busy.

this seems to be something i am good at.

yet, even the busy foodie hunter knows that she needs to take a break. for my break today i went to a local market and came across red velvet apricots for the first time.


first reaction when i saw them was "huh?" the immediate follow-up reaction was hmmmmm......"well, well, well....what do you taste like?" i was quite intrigued....my interest was quite piqued. so naturally, i bought a few of the not-so-cheap fruit.

when i got them home, i did a through inspection and a mini-photo shoot.



they are fuzzy and have the same sort of weight to them as regular apricots. i had no idea the insides were going to look like...and was actually a bit surprised when i split one open and saw how similar it looked to a regular apricot. i think my expectation was that it would be red inside as well.....go figure. yet, it looked a tad bit juicier than the average small orange apricot.


next up was the taste test. when i bit into it i thought...hmmm...it kinda tastes plummy. then i started nibbling on the skin...yup, plummy. "how funny is that?" i thought to myself.....a fuzzy plummy. these are not definitely not plucots though. the texture of plucots is more plum-like while this fruit's texture is more apricot-like. it is also not as tart as plucots. the red velvet apricot texture was not as wet, smooth, and juicy as a plum/plucot....the texture is a bit drier and looks a bit grainier....key words being "looks grainier"....as i don't find the texture grainy on the tongue. it was soft...almost succulent on the tongue. it was pretty good. i imagine that these would be absolutely tasty wonderful as a tart.....i bet it would be pretty beautiful as well...with those plum and light orange colors.

if you see these in your local markets....i would definitely recommend trying them.