Monday, January 18, 2010

choosing change

location: london
time: after midnight

hmmm. i didn't leave the hotel until after 5pm today. i was extremely hungry at this point. there isn't a fridge in this hotel so i didn't have my typical stash of salads and such from the M&S food hall. lucky for me, there was this small indian place pretty close to my hotel. the staff were super friendly and i ordered the laal maas. the description was "fairly hot, diced lamb cooked Rajashthani style with chopped onion, tomatoes, and red chilies". i also ordered a side of sag paneer, a paratha, and a much needed beer. i sipped on a cobra beer

while looking out (see top pic) and waited for my order to arrive. i think the reason for it being so empty was because i was eating pretty early. this seems like a neighborhood kind of spot as my hotel is in a quiet section of town, tucked away from the hustle and bustle. folks here don't seem to start to go out until about 8ish. it makes sense why the brits like to bail work at 5pm on the dot. it seems like stores close, like at 7:30-8pm, so that gives you a small window of time to get life errands done. although the local sainsbury by me is open until 11pm. thank goodness. especially when i've needed to go on sparkling water runs. i'm not certain what time tesco's (i think there are a few 24-hour ones in manchester) or waitrose closes in london.

maybe i've become so acclimated to having a flexible schedule that i've forgotten what it is like to work on a set schedule. although, this schedule i am on while in london is by no means a typical "set" british schedule...that is for certain.

i was very glad when the food arrived and everything was very yummy.


the paratha in particular was something that i really enjoyed. i love ghee and you could definitely taste the ghee in between the velvety layers of the paratha. i love how there are so many nuances to indian food here. unfortunately, this was my first taste of indian food since i've been in london. this is an incredible tragedy which must be fixed. it looks like tomorrow i may have some time to myself. gasp. you mean, i may actually have the day off that i was scheduled to have? what a concept! i think tomorrow is going to be all about the foodie hunter eating indian food.....or perhaps, more specifically, south indian and sri lankan food. i also think tomorrow may also be about books.

yup. books and indian food. no blackberry. no drama. just indian food, books, and london. it sounds like a potentially great day.

despite the crazy ass work schedule i've been under since i arrived and this lingering cold-flu-WTF-sickness thing that i have, i really do love london. it seems that discussions are tentatively arising about opening up a london office again. i told DH that if a london office opens, then i would move to london. i stressed that i would not be inclined to ever move to the US regional office or the corporate office in manchester....but would be willing to move to london. DH seemed very agreeable and said that he'd be ok for coming down to london for a week every once in a while for meetings and such. this is not a surprise. he gets me on this side of the pond without having me hooking up with a briton/european.

now my dear hearts that are based in the bay area who may have done a collective gasp as soon as you read the words above, i think you all knew that this was kind of peculating for a while. also, this does not mean that i will 100% be moving...it just means that if the circumstances are all right and aligned (i.e., depending on how my role changes this year and if they actually open the london office...which is a big "IF"), then yes, i will move. so, at this time, it is like a 20% chance that i will be moving this year.

now that i have finally found my balance, i find myself restless for a change.

i know sounds a bit odd coming from me....who has experienced so much massive amounts of change over the last couple of years. but this change would be different. this would be something that i choose...because i want it. not a change that was forced upon me...or a change because i felt like there was so much life i needed to catch up on....or change because i felt like i needed to prove something. i needed to prove that my life would be so much better than it was before..... i needed to prove that despite some incredible heart break, i would not be broken but in fact come out of it all in better circumstances and with a better life.

well, i don't need to prove anything to myself anymore.

admittedly, quite a bit of my motivation towards a better life was driven by pure pride and stubborness. these are strengths (when leveraged correctly) but can also extremely large weaknesses of mine. huge actually.

so i suppose what i am trying to say is that there is going to be some change in my future....it may or may not involve a move to london....but there is going to be some change. i'm certain that you all will have a birds-eye view of it.

until later dear hearts...i'm sending you love and am carrying you all with me.

xxxoooo

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