Sunday, January 24, 2010

faith in me

despite being quite left-brain driven and analytical, i know that there are things that i will never truly understand from a logical perspective....and you know what? that is ok. i have discovered that i have to have faith in myself and faith in a certain path that i see before me....despite not knowing what the outcome will be.

this path i see before me started a couple of years ago actually...in this quest to be more "open" to life, to see more of the world with open eyes, to be open to accepting who i am, and to allow to the world to see me. the real me.

sometimes, the foodie hunter thinks that she successfully ignores certain things that the universe seems to put into her path....you know....like random signs right before i went to london


and while i was in london...


then she realizes that she really didn't ignore them after all. there must have been something going on in my subconscious even before i went to london as i didn't consciously take these pictures thinking that they would be along a similar vein. i suppose it is not just my food pics that can be quite revealing. obviously, i've been processing about quite a few things recently, and this comes through....even within the pictures that i take as i walk city streets......in separate cities....thousands of miles away from each other.

i have always been drawn to words.... drawn to the meanings communicated upon a tabula rasa. so it really isn't a surprise that i would take pictures of signs. yet, it is interesting that of all of the signs in the bay area to take a picture of before i go to london.....and of all the signs in london....these are the picture of signs that i took. at the time, i didn't see the connection. i just remember thinking that they would be interesting shots.

then, while walking home from working on my presentation at one of the local cafes, i started thinking about faith and then humming this song.....



which i haven't heard in years. yet, it is quite appropriate isn't it? how sometimes there are things that aren't rational, logical, but just "are".

as i write this posting, i am reminded how moments of clarity are actually a summation of many seemingly random moments that really aren't random....and how there is a lot of churning and processing that goes on without consciously realizing it. it also made me think about how faith is not something that is quantifiable or measurable.....yet, is very real and has a very tangible impact upon me. perhaps this is why i am finally able to accept that i actually have wants that i cannot directly provide for myself (still cringing slightly at the thought though) and that it is time to say what i want.....to ask for what i want....because i have faith that no matter what happens, i'll be ok.

yeah, i know, it will still hurt like a mother fucker.

but i'll be ok.

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