Friday, February 12, 2010

first time for everything

so tonight i am not going to write about moving to or living in new york or london for a month, a year, or years.

i am also not going to write about the creeping sadness that seems to have settled into my bones. as if it has always been there.

i just want to acknowledge that these things are lurking inside of me....always lurking....and it really doesn't matter if i am intensely focused on a work project, cooking, hanging out with loved ones, grabbing a cappuccino at guerilla....

i can feel myself continually process, feel, and just "be" with my sadness as well as the varying pros/cons of new york vs london.

i'd rather not write in-depth about these things as it is after midnight and i'd like to get some sleep. late nights and the mornings are the most challenging right now, so instead, i'd like to write about a funny interaction today.

so, as i have written earlier this week, JH decided to formally introduce himself while i was working at a local cafe. i felt a bit like a cornered cat when this was happening. today, i decided that after...hmmm....a year (at least i suppose) of "behaving" despite some deliberately provocative and provoking statements to gain my attention...that it was time for a bit of payback.

"so whatcha doing? are you working or taking a break?" i asked JH from behind him, as he was on his computer.

he looked up startled....clearly not expecting my voice to enter his sphere of existence. i have never initiated conversation with him before. or any other guy that works there. ever. they all know this. i really wasn't feeling very merciful. sooooo, how does it feel like to be the cornered cat? hmmmmmm?

"i'm working. i'm working on a flyer." he responded....a bit nervously.

i just grinned and then said "i've always been curious about what you guys do on the computer. i wasn't sure if it was your break time."

"we are working while we are on the computers. i work on flyers, notices, schedules, and sometimes send email to the big boss." he says a bit more fluidly but still nervous with halting pauses.

my grin just gets bigger with each pause. i'm not really feeling very empathetic at the moment. "is the big boss the loud one with the glasses?"

JH then says "no, [insert name of guy] is not the big boss. he's sort of the boss here, but i'm talking about the owner that lives out in the mountains somewhere. honestly, i have no idea where he lives but it is somewhere in the mountains."

at this point, i pretty much decide that i have achieved my objective. we were actually having a normal every day conversation where there wasn't even a hint of provoking comments or sarcasm. so then i say "in the mountains with an internet connection though. well, thanks for indulging my curiosity."

"yeah, no problem." his confidence back in place.

so, yeah, that wasn't a very nice foodie hunter thing to do. i completely admit it. he totally deserved it though. in the bigger wasn't evil or was just a small amount of payback that i indulged in....which now that i think about it....i thought i was above doing this sort of thing.

i suppose there is a first time for everything.

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