Tuesday, February 9, 2010

friends after all

yeah. it is 1:30 in the morning as i type this.

i'm pretty awake actually.


this is especially unfortunate when my work day is going to start in less than 6 hours. it isn't a late nighter for work reasons...i finished up what i wanted to do by about 10ish tonight and have been puttering about, reading, and thinking about new york...london....and about what the universe is trying to tell me these days. i was especially thinking about what the universe may have in store for me as i decided to cook some late night noodles.....basically some dino kale, tons of dried chilies, cayenne pepper, nuoc mam, shoyu, sesame oil, and a brick of dried noodles....

there was no technique involved tonight....it was just a throw everything together and watch it boil. sometimes watching a pot boil is just the ticket for processing.

while i was processing quite a few things, the one thing that seemed to stand out is why certain people come into our lives when they do.....and when they do....what does it mean exactly? especially when it comes to timing.

so, there is this place that i go to pretty regularly...and there is this guy that works at this place that i go to quite regularly.....and i am relatively polite...but i've always maintained distance because...well....for multiple reasons that i won't go into right now....but it isn't because i don't like him as a person....just the opposite actually....it just seemed rather less complicated if there was some maintained distance between us....so i've put up a lot of barriers. i could tell that he didn't really "get it" or rather, didn't like it. yet, almost every time he sees me, he is quite determined that there is some sort of engagement. sometimes it is friendly....sometimes it is an assumption of familiarity....sometimes it is quite sarcastic....sometimes it is a mix of all things. he is seeking a reaction from me.....anything but indifference or distance that i have maintained as i sought to keep our interactions on a purely superficial level. yet, i think people make a lot of judgements and decisions about other people based on what they read.....and this guy knows a lot about what i read....and i suppose....he had decided that we were meant to be friends based on what i read. this is just a guess on my part....as i am puzzled by the amount of effort he has put forth.

sometimes we visit the same cafes and he has commented on this....but has never approached me as i "look busy" (which i am....because i am working). yet, last week, i could feel him watching me....deciding whether or not to approach the table i was sitting at and i became really interested in screen of my laptop. i remember thinking "please go away....it will just make this all much easier....and a lot less complicated" and breathed a sigh of relief as he did walk away....but not without standing about a yard or two away for quite some time.

it would be a lot different if i didn't like him as a person. it would also be a lot different if he didn't work at a place that i have no intention of not going to on a regular basis. because of both of these things, i haven't been rude or done my complete "freeze out"....which i am rather infamous for.

however, while i was working at a cafe today, i look up from my laptop and damn it! there he is...looking straight at me....and there is no way i can pretend that i don't see him...as we have made eye contact....and he decides to give me a hard time. no "hello" or "how are you?" just straight for the hard time as if daring me to act like he isn't there. i take a deep breath and proceed to try to participate in a conversation...trying to act as if he's like a business acquaintance or something....that usually works pretty well for me....then he decides that he wants to formally introduce himself, so he walks over to my table and and sticks out his hand.

great. just great. there goes the formal distance. just say "bye bye" to distance.

i shake his hand and tell him what my name is....and he says "it is good to officially meet you." pause. "finally."

my response, "yeah, i see you all of the time cause i been going to [insert name of the place he works]...."

"for years" he finishes....while giving me a look and raising his eyebrows....while i just kind of grin sheepishly. i mean, we have had dozens of random conversations but the introductions make things a bit different now. now it would be rude to be indifferent.....and i have a feeling that he knew that too.

JH is pretty ballsy and well, quite determined....and it was his turn to grin when i put up my hand to wave good bye as he left the cafe today.

i guess we are going to be friends after all.

maybe it won't get complicated.

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