Tuesday, February 2, 2010

it has begun

well.

it has begun.

i'm home and i woke up feeling pretty good this morning. it was the first night of real sleep that i've had in a while. as i puttered around my kitchen i muttered to myself "don't kid yourself foodie hunter, it is going to come on like a mac truck pretty soon."

and so it did. i can feel the sadness creep in....and soon, i know it will feel a bit overwhelming. because now i am home. because now it is safe to let go and not keep my shit together.

well this is going to be fun.

yet, i told myself as i could feel the tears coming on, "i'm still going to take care of myself" and i reached for the recchiuti dark hot chocolate. sometimes you just have to go for the really big guns.

when you open the package of recchiuti dark hot chocolate, you know immediately that this is not your average hot chocolate....


then when you open the bag....and breath in the rich sweet aroma....


i cannot help but sigh.

my own method is to take some of the chocolate tablets and put them into a mug (while eating a few "as is" as well) .....


add a bit of cayenne and water.....


then nuke that for about 30 seconds....


then nuke some milk for about 2 minutes....and while the milk is being heated, i stir the chocolate cayenne and water mixture with a chopstick. the purpose is to create a smooth melted chocolate that won't separate when i add the hot milk.


then i add the hot milk .......


and then use my nifty frother (probably my favorite appliance since i use it so much)...


as i am sipping on my hot chocolate and thinking about wants, needs, and wishes.....


i'm going to put this out this want on the interwebs and the universe. the next time i feel so strongly for someone....to put aside my huge amounts of pride....to put myself out there...and such, i'd like it to last more than 12 hours. in fact, i'd like them to man up and admit that they care for me as much as i care for them....especially when we both know what the deal really is and have known each other too long to not know. i'm done pretending. i understand being scared and freaked out. yet, i'd like them to have enough emotional courage to face the fear.

i'm not saying that i am expecting this to happen again. i know that this doesn't happen very often in a lifetime. i'm just saying that if it does, please let it be with someone that is willing to risk just as much as i am. you know, something like a sunday kind of love.



that would be real nice.

thank you universe for listening.

i'm going to go be sad now.

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