Tuesday, February 23, 2010

no balls mike. no balls.


well, sometimes unexpected things happen.

yesterday, before i attended the meatpaper east meats west rabbit dinner at bar tartine,
i dropped off some of my tax paperwork at my accountant in north beach. i hardly visit north beach, especially since i don't work near there anymore. yet, i took an opportunity to have a quick cappuccino at cafe roma before heading to the mission for the dinner. little did i realize that after i finished my cap and right before i arrived at bar tartine, i would be seeing someone that B grew up with. i haven't seen B since ...hmmm.... october 8th 2007? or was it the 7th? oddly enough, i actually had to google "columbus day" and "2007" to come up with the date. well, regardless, the last time i saw B was when he came back from a recent surfing trip in oct 2007, dropped his bomb, and then i left our home that night after 7 years together.

part of me is surprised that it hasn't already happened. i mean, san francisco is a small world in many ways. yet, i don't hang w/the surfing (um...actually 1.5 hours surfing 3+ hours drinking), skating (they are actually pretty good at this), indie pop band (unsuccessful and will likely remain so...because...practice? what's that?), and wanna-be aging hipster crowd....which is the crowd that B hung out with the last time i saw him.

as for food, well, there isn't any cross over....B's pouted when we were in paris for our honeymoon when he couldn't find an "american" breakfast AND he actually went into the starbucks on the st. germain. i remember thinking...and i can say this now with utter impunity..."is it too late for me to get an annulment?"

for all of the young folks that read my blog (which i am still surprised with btw)...please please please travel internationally with someone before you decide to get serious with them. it reveals an awful lot. please learn from my mistake.

anyway, lets just say that B and the crowd he hung with wasn't into food....so i suppose....it does make sense that i hadn't run into any of them until now. i didn't even run into mike (yes, i am going to name him) at bar tartine, i ran into him as he was smoking outside the casanova....which is a regular haunt of B's. when i saw mike, i thought..."is that mike? i guess it is." i know that i am going to be well within eye-balling distance since he is outside and there is all of this construction going on on valencia....and bar tartine is just up the road. the sidewalk is not very wide. so as i am about 2 feet before i pass mike, i say "hi mike", you know....like a grown up....and not taking a pause in my gait....and guess what mike does? he acts like he doesn't hear me...looks up at the sky.

well well well.

fascinating.

just fascinating.

surprisingly enough, i wasn't mad. although...i have a feeling that many of you dear hearts....that know me...and know all of the details about B and I, are probably fuming at the moment...but please understand that i see mike for who he is. he just doesn't have any balls. mike has always hid from life, so i shouldn't be that surprised that he "hid" from me....in plain sight. these are the kind of people that B decided to surround himself with ....which i was, admittedly, very unimpressed with.

if B had hung out with them on a regular basis before B and i started dating....well...we actually never would have started dating. this is how much B changed over the course of our relationship. i know that i wasn't the only one that wasn't thrilled with this group of directionless guys who sought to numb out their lives with various substances everyday to the point of barely remembering who they were or where they were the next morning....still reeking of alchohol, stale cigs, and other things. one of them was actually KICKED OUT of zeitgeist. hmmm, actually, he may now be banned...i wouldn't be surprised.

i know that i wasn't the only one that was unimpressed at the time.

one of B's best friends, the chef (who unfortunately for B doesn't live in san francisco anymore and hasn't for some time...if he still did, i wonder if B would have "fallen" into that crowd), didn't want anything to do with them either.....and caused quite a ruckus among them when the chef didn't invite any of them to his lovely wedding....despite the fact that they all grew up in the same neighborhood. yeah, i do miss the chef.....and B's mother. these two people, as i have mentioned before, are the only two people from that life that i miss. unfortunately, these two people are not in the "sharing" post-break up category.

this experience also made me realize how i have increasingly less and less tolerance for those that don't have any balls....whether physically or metaphorically. naturally, this led me to think about the people that i choose to be around and how all of them are these super intense driven people that seek to "be the change they wish to see in the world." they are all different....yes.....but at the core, they do not hide from life....they know who they are....they strive to be good people.....and these are just a few of the reasons why i love, respect, and admire them so.

life is just too short to be hanging out with pansies.

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