Thursday, April 1, 2010

amazingness


this is what happens when i am quiet for a while....just processing away.....simmering pots of greens (the tops of beets in this case), onion, garlic, and lentils....



noshing away on hearty comforting food with rice....


and then "poof", i realize how much time has quickly gone by and then i feel as if there is so much i want to tell you....so much to catch up on.....while i was off in my own head, trying to figure things out.

a common theme that i keep returning to is the amazingness of my experience being in new york. yes, the intense city itself was seductive....yet, it was the interactions with certain people while i was at new york that solidified this last trip as being truly "amazing" for me. not only was i able to see people that i adore such as GC, but there were also some relatively new folks as well.

lets begin with probably the most surprising of experience. there was a common acquaintance that i met up with in new york...and admittedly, i was a teeny bit apprehensive about us meeting. while i had heard about her throughout the years through common loved ones, i found myself saying little to nothing during the times we saw each other..... years and years ago at university. the primary reason was that JW had very strong opinions about black men dating black women....(i.e., that there should be some exclusivity involved).....and well...given that...well.... at the time, i was dating a black man...i decided not to offer up anything about my personal life. i think for obvious reasons....because if you haven't figured it out by now, i may not be white....but i'm not black either....and i didn't think that JW and i were close enough to have those sort of conversations. also growing up in the bay area, i had never ascribed to the "must date a specific ethnicity". however, i understand that racial politics associated with dating is a complex emotional issue where there are rarely any "right" or "wrong" answers....but there are a hella lot of passions and emotions involved....and well, i was pretty much an equal opportunity dater. yet, fast forward years and years and given that we have all mellowed out quite considerably from our strident youthful 18-19 year old selves....we met up in new york and i had an absolutely wonderful time....i laughed an incredible amount and i am even grinning now...as i type this...remember the conversations with JW. i even offered JW to stay with me while i am in london. does this tell you how much i like her? she is pretty amazing and as the brits say quite "switched on". she is sassy, funny, and anyone that doesn't realize that beneath her amazingly executed charm lies an extremely agile intelligent mind isn't watching closely enough. this gal has got beaucoup skills and the fact that she uses them for "good" makes me respect her all the more. i can't wait to see and laugh with JW again.

speaking of respect....i also realized during the trip to new york that i am not as much of a cynical asshole as i have always believed myself to be. well, perhaps that is mis-stating things a bit. perhaps this experience taught me that it is possible for me to not be a cynical asshole, like 15% of the time....to people i don't already know and love that is. it was by chance that i met this person and had lunch with them. after about 20 minutes into the conversation, i found myself inspired by this person. remember....i had just met them 20 minutes beforehand....and here i was, the cynical judgmental asshole-like foodie hunter, wanting to just give this person a hug and say "you are doing amazing things. i admire your passion, your strength in doing what you do, and how you still believe that that you can change things despite some extremely emotionally draining obstacles...yet....you are the change that you want to see in the world and i am completely inspired by you. look at you GO! i don't even know you but i am so proud of you."

how's that for shocking?

20 minutes.

yup yup.

then there was the hanging out with VG, who has firmly planted himself on the foodie hunter loved one list. not an easy list to get on and it is an extremely short list....but once your on....your on.

i haven't completely given up on the idea of living in new york. it just won't be right now and it may not be a "permanent" situation. my plan is to do my month long work/live stint in nyc in october....because why not? why shouldn't i try to reach for and figure out how to obtain my dreams? why shouldn't i make this work for me? if it doesn't work out while reaching for these dreams then yes, i'll be disappointed.... which is not a small thing. yet, i've learned over the past few months or so that for me, i'd rather try.....then to let fear keep me back....because i know that no matter how much hurt or disappointment may bring me to my knees, i know now...for certain...that i will be able to get back up.

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