Tuesday, April 6, 2010

faith in you

hmmmm. sometimes things aren't always what the seem. the other day....while i was taking a recent break and needing to get away from the computer for a bit, i paid a visit to a local frozen yogurt place that i haven't been to in ages.


while i was noshing on the creamy coolness,


i thought about things that percolate in the background.....and how sometimes we need....or in this case....how i needed to make a decision. the questions i was poising to myself were "is it worth it? is it really worth it to bring up certain things? things that i know that will be difficult to say and unlikely get resolved?"

because i knew that if i decided to not say anything, it would mean that it is too late. it means that i have lost faith in you.

it is a contrary balance of mine.....my stubbornness and practical awareness. my looking at the moment and also looking at dozens upon dozens of cause/effect scenarios that are tied to a specific moment. yes, i see the forest....and i also see the trees. for better or worse, when i make a decision about something....i don't make the decision thinking that "i don't have enough information" or "i didn't think this through." it is usually exactly the opposite.

so i had a very difficult and emotionally challenging conversation this morning. very difficult. at first i was quite diplomatic. then, after quite a bit of prodding from the other person. i was rather brutally honest about a few things which is a rather huge risk on my part. for many reasons. i do not know if, in the long run, this was really such a great idea to have this conversation. yet, it has been bothering me for quite some time. the conversation left me rather emotionally exhausted.

empty.


because.....you see....i know that i have faith in me. i just don't know if i have faith in you. anymore.

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