Wednesday, April 28, 2010

moving moment

i've been slowly but surely going through my things in preparation for the upcoming move. the last move was a bit unexpected and there wasn't a lot of time for thoughtfully sifting through my things. during the last move a few years ago, we (me, the heart sister, and AC) pretty much threw everything into boxes in about 2 days....well everything except anything that B had given me, anything we had purchased together, or anything his family had given me.

or so i thought.

as this upcoming move to the city is something that i am very much looking forward to and actually have the time to thoughtfully sift through my belongings, i am finding a few surprises.

like the ring that B bought for me for my birthday one year and decided to spontaneously propose with said ring.


he ended up buying me an "engagement" ring later on and one of his best friends made the wedding band later....but it was this ring that he proposed with.

i actually thought i had lost it, so i didn't leave it with the other rings on his desk the night i left about three years ago.

as i looked at the bday ring....i waited....and waited some more....hmmmm.... and was remotely surprise that i didn't feel anything like sadness or anger or anything other than surprise. surprise at finding something that i thought i had lost and surprise that it didn't elicit more of a reaction from me.

then, of course, that wasn't all i found. i also found a drawing he did....

while we were together and i thought, "oh, that was sweet." but again....nothing earth shattering. but the pièce de résistance that i came across while going through old things was the folded note....



hmmmm.

this gave me much to think about as i noshed on my lunch that day.

as i was eating my soup......


i thought about how fascinating it is to see things like this....now.....as i have a different life...a life that i've always wanted....which wasn't the life that i had when i was with him. when i read through this note through much older and much wiser eyes, i don't doubt that he was sincere in that moment. it also reminded me how there were some lovely moments being with B and how it is now possible to look upon those moments and see them for what they are....lovely moments....from my past.

it was a reminder of how much my life has changed in the past few years and how i am very thankful for those changes....changes that i have decided upon, worked towards, and learned from.

i suppose it is appropriate that i came across these things that i didn't even realize that i still had....as i am on the verge of embarking on another significant change in my life....and how excited i am about this change.....how it makes me grin even now...just thinking about it.

while i don't know for certain what the future holds for me...i know that i will be ok....no matter what happens....and that is a nice feeling to have. real nice.

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