Wednesday, June 23, 2010

forgotten

i had forgotten a few things. i had forgotten what it was like to speak to someone and not have to say very much because they know exactly what you are doing, what is going on, and completely understands what you are saying and sometimes just as importantly.....what you....or rather...what i....was not saying.

in many ways it was a relief.

it was also a reminder.

i am near atlanta and i had been debating whether or not to talk to him. i have very few opportunities to speak to him anymore, face-to-face. sometimes, when one says things aloud....one knows that one cannot take them back and may set certain things into motion. yet.....for better or for worse, i am not big on dishonesty or deception. sometimes this is to my detriment. yet, my intuition was saying that i should speak to him while the very practical side of me was saying "this is such a bad idea. are you mental? this is bad as in bad. not bad as in bad ass." then i reminded myself that i was going to start paying a lot more attention to my intuition and not let the super duper analytical brain override it every time. my intuition was telling me that he would want to know rather than not and if i want to maintain this relationship in the years ahead, i should say something now....not later.

it would be the harder path though.

so i sent an email asking for a meet up and it was almost eerie how easily i found myself ushered across from him. despite his crazy ass schedule that makes mine look like i am napping, he had made the time, and i had his full intense attention. i am not one for small talk, so i launched right in and provided an opening. then waited. he knew exactly what was going on and spoke just as bluntly.

it was a reminder that just because i don't see someone very often or have regular contact with them, doesn't mean they don't know or see exactly what i am doing, where i am going, and what i have done. it doesn't mean that they don't know me or see me.

very clearly.

it also reminded me that.... once upon a time.....many many years ago....he saw potential in me that i didn't even see in myself and handed me an initial opportunity that allowed me to realize this potential that changed everything for me. then, a few years later, did it again on a much larger scale.

now, i realize why it was so important for me to say something.

it is because i respect him.

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