Monday, December 27, 2010

catch up

technically, today is a work "holiday". while i am using today as a "catch up" on some things i have in-progress for work, i also feel like i am catching up on the personal life...or trying to catch up these days. i'm quite behind and surprisingly disorganized on the personal front....and just how "behind" i am really hit home this morning.

i'm in hayes valley at the moment, dog sitting. a loved one is in the midwest visiting relatives so i'm co-living in between my place and his place.

i'm trying to dodge the feelings of uber guilt as i'm not spending every night with the cuddle bear (as i do want to spend time in my own place with my own pets) but the cuddle bear has the whole guilt thing down to an expert doggie science...

after i did the early morning walk with the cuddle bear, did some work email (not all of our offices are based in westernized regions or follow western holidays), i headed over to the blue bottle kiosk to grab a latte...

i'm so predictable. if i know a blue bottle outpost is within a couple of blocks....whether it be mint plaza, the ferry building, the rooftop at moma, or the kiosk at hayes....i seem to gravitate toward it. once i was back in the loved one's place, i sat down at is kitchen table with my latte, and went through my personal snail mail. this is when i realized just how behind i was....and am.

as i was going through the mail folks have sent to my new place, i saw an envelope from the deliciously wicked godfather.

it was for his annual christmas party. the party that i was supremely late for on the 25th. although, i didn't realize i was late until i arrived....and after i opened the invite (on the 27th no less).... i realized just how late i was. i arrived at 6:30 and the party started at 3.

i have a feeling that i may be hearing about how late i was for the next 10 years or so.

i guess i'm not quite back to my organized self yet.

i am guessing that it will probably take a while.....perhaps a while longer than i thought it would.

unfortunately, the holiday season hasn't really felt like a holiday for me this year. i'm actually quite cranky about it. probably because all of the stuff that really went down around thanksgiving....and because of the holidays people are out of town...checked out...etc...etc.... it made things (such as administrative bureaucracy) more difficult to get through and get the crime aftermath things resolved.... than say...if this happened to me in the spring.

i'm shaking my head as i type this...i mean...who really gets to pick when crime happens to them, disrupts/up roots their life?

that actually sounds more like me....cranky and annoyed at the inefficiencies of when crime occurs and impacts my life....despite the fact that how could that have been within my control? sigh. still annoyed though.

i'm even annoyed at random when the heart sister and AC stopped by for leftover stew (which was not the annoying part btw...that was a very good part)....and i was frying up some impromptu salmon cakes (i.e., canned wild salmon, pasture raised eggs from eatwell farm, and heirloom corn meal ....from tierra vegetables)

i remember feeling annoyed that i "have" to use an electric stove now. it is like relearning how to cook. gawd dammit. i definitely prefer gas.

i mean, picking out my new apartment was totally my decision. it was my decision to compromise and pick this apartment because of the neighborhood, the apartment layout, the view....and the quickness of when i would be able to move in.

i knew when i looked at the stove that it was going to bug me.

yet, i still decided to sign the papers and move it.

i suppose there are all parts of me that are catching up....not just the catching up on life....but also catching up on the anger and the annoyance at how my life was disrupted ....and how i am still experiencing and feeling the consequences from it all.

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