Monday, December 13, 2010

i don't get it

so, i'm pretty annoyed and angry at this moment. i thought i'd step away from the work email and take a break to blog for a bit. not like i won't be making up any time i take off with my first meeting starting at 6am tomorrow.

fun times. fun times.

i'm waiting for my internet access in my new apartment to be set up, so in the meantime, i've been working from one of my closest friend's apartment in hayes valley while he is at work.


i must admit that it feels a bit funny and weird to be working from here without calming presence of the cuddle monster.....

and seeing his bed is empty. i usually drag his bed so that it is underneath the kitchen table so he can sit on my feet while i work. i know that the cuddle monster isn't my dog, but it is quite easy to get attached to him.

as i didn't bring my lunch with me from home today, i stepped out to visit the arlequin cafe to grab some stuff "to go" and bring back to the borrowed work space. i ended up choosing the mac n' cheese, a side of brussels sprouts, and their version of a beignet stuffed with custard.

somehow, it all seems oddly appropriate that i was thinking about people and responsibility while i was eating my lunch.....


because that is EXACTLY what i am thinking about right now and what has made me rather angry with someone(s) that i've come across recently in a work situation.




rationally, i understand that not everyone takes responsibility for their actions....in particular....for their mistakes and errors....yet, it doesn't seem to piss me off any less. people that refuse to take responsibility for their actions seems to be a re-occurring theme that i've been coming across in my life over the past few weeks.

during the times that i've fucked up, i'm the first one to say that i've fucked up.

immediately.

i see this as a non-negotiable on my part.

also, if there was an error or mistake on the part of my team, i am also the first to acknowledge the error and i ensure the member of my team take responsibility for it as well. i'm a big proponent of public praise and acknowledgment......as well as trying my best to catch mistakes (or potential mistakes) before they go public and provide constructive feedback in private. sometimes you have to give members of your team the space to make mistakes and ensure that those mistakes and subsequent feedback happen in private. however, during the times when the mistakes/errors have gone public re: my team, then i make sure that we all share the responsibility.

not like that is any fun.

personally, it is one of the rather irksome things about running a team. from my perspective, when someone on my team messes up, then i am also partially responsible for it...even if i had no involvement. just writing that down...knowing what a perfectionist i can be at work...totally rankles and i can feel myself grinding my teeth just thinking about it. (yes, i know the blog has errors in it all of the time but the blog isn't my professional work.)

i don't see it is a two way thing either.

if i mess up as the team leader, then i take full responsibility for it alone. i may not enjoy it, but i understand what my responsibilities and duties are. i also make certain that my team fully understands that if they fuck up, then it is all of us that take responsibility.

i call it "being an adult"....you know, taking responsibility for one's actions. there are no babies on my team...myself included.

this really shouldn't be an alien concept.

i've had this perspective even when i was a teenager working at some pretty crap jobs or running student organizations at university. in the beginning, i was so idealistic and believed that everyone else had this perspective as well. the older i get, the more industries i am in, and the more people i work with, the more i realize that not everyone has this perspective....in fact...that there are those that will try to blatantly lie...even when you have clear evidence that points to them lying....which.... i look at the situation with complete disbelief... before i lay out the evidence in a very factual precise manner. i'm not afraid of conflict and those that lie just piss me off even more.

i just don't get it. i don't get people that don't take responsibility for themselves. i don't think i ever will.

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