Friday, December 10, 2010

taking care of myself


i wonder if today will be the the day and whether if this will be the post when i will finally tell you dear readers, why i have not been writing. this was on my mind as i methodically made my way through my guinness gingerbread ice cream from humphry slocombe, one of my sanctuaries, today.


over the past few weeks, i've started many postings and then stopped. for those of you who have been with me since the beginning, you know that i am not the type to seek out drama. well, not in my personal life anyway. work drama is work drama and to a certain extent, well beyond my control.

yet, i am essentially a boring person. i work hard. i find pleasure and catharsis with cooking, taking pictures, and writing. i love going to the market to coo over a particularly beautiful carrot, winter squash, tomato, or bunch of kale. i am one of those nerds that will always put her entire face over the rim of a bowl of noodle soup...inhaling deeply....being ecstatic over the smells and the heat that penetrates my skin....completely off in my own little world.....and sometimes i will tell you about these experiences dear reader. these experiences with hanging out with loved ones, cooking, taking pictures, enjoying the everyday moments of life, and....trying not to take things for granted. from my perspective, i don't seek out drama because drama will always find its own path into our lives....invited or not....so why encourage it?

i'm taking a long time getting to the point...aren't i?

kay.

so the reason why i haven't been writing is because i was handling the aftermath of my apartment being burglarized. allegedly, the building manager's twenty-something-old son that lives with her, used her keys to burglarize my apartment. also allegedly, the son committed financial fraud with what he stole.
i wonder if technically if things are "allegedly" when the son confessed to the police that he did so (days after i filed a police report).

during this time, the building manager tried to cover up for her son and also tried to manipulate me. there were also some fascinating circumstances when people involved thought i should be ok handing over my new account information to the very people that were involved (either directly or indirectly) with the burglary....and from my perspective, attempted to intimidate me to just "taking it."

hmmmm. they obviously made some erroneous assumptions about me.

i may be small and relatively quiet, but i am also brutally efficient, driven, resourceful, and know what to do when people try to fuck with me.

these people that did or attempted to do bad things to me made some pretty serious errors in judgment. they had no idea that i've dealt with people a heck of a lot smarter and more evil than them.....and didn't take their shit when
i was cash poor but resourceful twenty year old working for practically pennies....so there is no way in hell that i was going to take this shit now....when i am older, have a lot more experience with business and legal matters because of my various jobs over the years....and am sitting on savings and various 401ks. i am not rich but i am not poor anymore. while this was all going on, i ensured that i had a safe place to live/work while i crossed my "t"s and dotted my "i"'s...setting up the appropriate preparations in case they kept pushing for ways to fuck with me.

soooo, after many many many conversations with police officers, bank representatives, lawyers, locksmiths, rental agents/brokers, etc. etc. and being a nomad at hotels and such....i am now living in a new lovely apartment, re-establishing my routines, and no longer have to deal with these people who try to commit crimes against me or manipulate me.


i know how to take care of myself.

also, once again, i am reminded of how much i am loved and how lucky i am to be loved....despite everything that has happened. so many loved ones have reached out and supported me in different ways through this. interestingly enough, after hearing about what was going on, i have also received kindness and support from relative strangers....that is....friends of friends.

oddly enough, while i am a misanthropic cynical asshole.....i would have thought that this kind of experience would have made me more cynical, bitter, and angry about human beings. yet, it hasn't. there will always be people that lack character and the ability to take responsibility for their actions. there will always be people that are bitter at life, have a perceived sense of false entitlement, and seek to gain from imposing manipulations upon others. there will always be people that enable this behavior by accepting it.

yet, there are many people who are not any of these things. the people that i love and am surrounded by do not believe in or exhibit this kind of behavior.

so instead of being more angry, bitter, and misanthropic, i find myself in a mental space where i am confident that no matter what happens, i will take care of myself and that i am not alone.

No comments: