Sunday, February 20, 2011

good-byes in the rain

it is almost 1am at the moment. i'm listening to mr. ray charles' rendition of "come rain or come shine". i'm winding down for the night and think that i may be able to finally articulate some thoughts on what it means to say good bye. while my tweet of "i'm gonna love you come rain or come shine" was a rather cheeky tweet i sent out this morning on my way to the ferry some ways it was quite appropriate.

the rain was definitely coming down at the ferry building market....and it is true, i'm going to love the market and visit it "come rain or come shine". in this case, i definitely wanted to show my support for the various farms and vendors that i enjoy on a regular basis. after i made my rounds this morning at dirty girl, star route, tierra vegetables, chue, june taylor, and saw that there were only 3 people in the blue bottle line. i have never seen the line be 3 people at the front kiosk on a saturday. ever. so i decided to grab an indulgent blue bottle mocha, settle into a bench for while, and go through a few emails.

one of the emails i read was a good bye...which made me look up...watching the people.....

but really thinking about good-byes in general as i sipped away on my mocha.

there have been some good-byes recently. naturally, me and my analytical self had to try and make sense of my myriad of reactions to good-byes of past, present, and future.

there are the good-byes where there is mutual respect and sadness at not being able to interact on a regular basis.

there are the good-byes that are tinged with regret....when certain folks don't realize what they had until it was gone. personally, i do my darnest to ensure that sort of regret does not get sprung on me. i take efforts for those i care and love to know that i care and love them. even if i don't see them often, they know i love them. so the times when i am on the other side...and hear regret from the other person about missing me or wishing that things could have turned out differently, i'm not exactly empathetic. probably not a good idea to come with me with shoulda woulda my reaction will be you should have treated me better and when i'm gone, i'm gone, and it just sucks to be you then to sit there with your shoulda woulda coulda.

then there are the good-byes when you don't realize that someone is actually going to miss you and it is a surprise. you get unexpected notes about missing "your laughter" which makes you pause....because you know that you love to laugh.....but as laughter being something that is so spontaneously seamless into who you are...that for someone to call it out as being a unique almost as much of a surprise as the note itself. this is the one i read on my blackberry this morning.

then there are the good byes to those that you love. those are the most difficult aren't they? there are those that you know that you will love them forever. no matter the time. no matter the distance. no matter if it is a sunny day or a rainy one.

you know that the love you have for them will remain. it a love that is past, present, and future....and saying that good-bye as you leave....

doesn't mean you love them any less. it just means that it is good bye.

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