Thursday, April 21, 2011

eradicate those before sunrise blues

as i was typing furiously away on keyboard around 5ish am this morning before the slew of meetings began, there were a few parallel thoughts running in the back of my mind. a few thoughts were rather familiar.....things like "i am not a baker. i am not a stock broker. i'm not a cook prepping for a shift at farmers market" made their presence known. those are all the sort of roles where it makes sense to be awake well before sunrise.

personally, i'd rather work through the day, evening, and until 2am-ish and then crash really hard instead of waking up and be work worthy by 5ish....or well before sunrise. i think it is because when i know i have to get up so early, my sleep becomes very restless.....waking up at intervals because i don't want to be late for a specific meeting....or know that i have to be truly awake for it.

on the brighter side of things, i suppose the flurry of activity that early is one way to keep the blues at bay........

i've accepted that quiet sadness will be my companion for a while.

such is life.

as i was working, participating in conference calls, etc., i tried to think about what my "reward" would be once the work day was done. sometimes it are the seemingly small rewards that allow days to go by a bit faster. sometimes reminders of "having a job in this economy is a good thing"....isn't enough. it is a difference between subsisting and living. i told myself that if i can get things wrapped up in time, i could have a cheeseburger from 4505 meats at the thursday farmers market at the sf ferry building today.

it was the ideal motivator. i've been craving a burger for over a week. yet, i haven't succumbed to the craving because the nearest place to me that has a decent burger is in the heart of darkness. i do try to avoid going into the marina as much as possible. i just don't like it. if i must go...i usually drag someone else kicking and screaming with me as it is one of the few situations where i'd rather suffer the natives with someone else.

i fully realize that this says a lot about my personality....that i'd rather walk by myself through gang territory, or be next to the projects, or be on the very edge of crackville or politely nod to working girls as i pass by have food..... rather than to go into the marina.

to be fair, i must admit that one of the last times i was in the marina with the heart sister and AC (because of a desire to have cream puffs from pacific puffs), we all got a huge kick of watching one of the good-natured and admittedly handsome owners deftly respond to the extremely focused attention of two female customers. these were "the ladies who lunch" type. we were politely evil in our amusement as we waited until after we finished our cream puffs and walked well out of the store before we shared our laughter and guffaws. i remember thinking "holy shit! that is what they mean by the term "cougar!"....for reals. i kind of thought they were like....i don't know....some kind of urban myth blown way out of proportion....i've never actually seen one before. to protect the not-so-innocent, one of us said aloud "if she could have eaten him up right there, she would have." gotta love the entertainment value of native predators sometimes.

but alas, since i would be seeking to address my burger craving by myself, and was not in the mood for marina natives, i was very fortunate that it was farmers market day at the ferry building. yes, i realize the ferry building isn't exactly in the hood. however, from my perspective....there is a difference between those that have/make money and those who are gaudily ostentatious (ahem, you have to admit....that is the marina...which i rather hilarious...since they are on landfill). plus, i just really like the food that appears at the ferry building. thankfully, i was able to get on muni and make it to the 4505 meats stand about 15 minutes before they closed.

because it was well after the typical lunch crowd time, there wasn't a huge line and my order came up pretty quickly.


a nice juicy burger. lovely + messy + sloppy in all the good ways a burger should be.

it totally hit the spot. my craving was abated. the before sunrise blues eradicated. 4505 meats really know how to do burgers.....that is for certain. kind of like magic.

you know, if 4505 meats had their stand in the marina, i'd go.alone even. but i'm glad i don't have to.

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