Tuesday, April 5, 2011

sincerity


i'm winding down for the evening. there are many random things running through my head as i seek to decompress from the day. i didn't really leave my place today as i was working on a few things that needed to get done. as a result, my meals were super duper simple but very tasty. today my meals consisted of just acme bread, straus butter, and a slice of prosciutto di parma. i also drank copious amounts of earl grey tea.


i remember, as i was munching on this deceptively simple meal....that it was simple in terms of assembly...but not so simple in terms of flavor. it was also pretty decadent. the fat from the prosciutto and the butter...hmmmm....definitely added the decadent factor. see what i mean about deceptively simple?

yet not so deceptive in its deliciousness during this random moment during a typical foodie hunter day. it was also during this time that i thought a wee bit more about the crazy insane food month this is going to be. well....crazy for me anyway. i'll be going to coi (finally), wayfare tavern (been curious about it since SW enjoyed it so much), forageSF's the wild kitchen (fascinating), and a visit to hapa ramen's latest pop up at bar tartine on the 11th of april. i'll be at the pop up with some loved ones including the heart sister and we were talking about some of the details this evening. i also filled her in on some of the other rather random stuff with the blog that has been happening recently. it is rather nutty to think that i've been blogging for three years now. it is also rather nutty that she is not the only one that reads it. one of the things that she said this evening that has stuck in my head as i get ready for bedding down, is that she thinks it is my sincerity that draws people to it.

i suppose i hadn't really thought of it that way.

i think people come for the food porn pics. as a result, i've deliberately focused on tweeting about the pics and directing people to the flickr page instead of the blog for the past couple of years. but still...people come to the blog...which makes me scratch my head. as i have mentioned before, i write only for me. i don't write for anyone else. i write because it is my outlet. i write because i need to write. i write because i have have always scribbled on whatever i had access too...from journals, napkins, to random sheets of torn paper....public or private....writing is just a part of who i am. this blog is an incredibly selfish and self indulgent endeavor.

yet, the heart sister is right....while this blog is self indulgent....it is also sincere.

i am frank, candid, and extremely honest here. you see me here. for reals. those that read me know me far more intimately than people i have worked with or acquainted with for years. those that have read me since the beginning see the "me" that only a very small handful of people typically get to see. you see what i think, feel, believe, and strive for in all of my inconsistent contradictory cranky ass self. you see my heartaches, disappointments, and exuberant joys, as i try to live in the moment, stumble, get back up, and pursue my passions.

perhaps, in my sincerity, you ....dear reader....see something of yourself in these words, pictures, and candid experiences within this blog.

perhaps you too get excited about inhaling the aroma of tomato warmed from the sun.....about the snap and spice of a tiny radish as you bite into it......about the seemly perfect symmetry of slicing an onion....or how a spoonful of sly subversive ice cream makes you want to sigh and giggle at the same time.

perhaps you too understand what it means to feel disappointment, heartache, rage, and joy.....but perhaps..... the words .....the words are eluding you for now......and maybe ....just maybe....as you read the words and see the pictures here....you recognize these moments.....and you feel a wee bit less alone.

while that was not my original intention......if that is the case....then i'm glad....and this too...is sincere.




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