Friday, May 27, 2011

beyond replacement

my shift is done for the day.

as the water was shut down in my building this afternoon, i knew i needed to shift my usual friday schedule. so, after my slew of super early morning meetings were complete, i mentally planned out the rest of the day in my head.... a meal + work in a cafe nearby. perhaps miller's east coast deli for a sandwich and soup.....and a new cafe that has opened up on polk street. i decided to not go to my usual spots in the mission because i'll be hitting up the mission later this evening to listen to a friend play at the red house poppy tonight. interestingly enough, this friend is CK's husband, and like CK, is very keen on pursuing his passion. while CK's passion is food and cooking.....her husband's passion is music. as a former engineer, he now pursues his passion for music through gigs and teaching. he is also very passionate about food. there is a not so small part of me that thinks this makes complete sense.

i think that when one has a passion for food, it can be a rather soul-sucking experience to be with someone that is not....or at least doesn't understand your passion for it.

i speak from experience.

i was also thinking about this today, as i made my way through my chicken matzo ball + noodle soup....

i was thinking about how different my life is now. i was reminded of what it was like to be with someone who wasn't passionate about food and had little understanding for mine. the reason why this was so prominent in my mind today as that last night, i took a trip to the outer sunset to hang out with a friend and a "gal's night" that she was having.

i was looking forward to having time to hang out and chat with this friend. no doubt. it was just interesting riding muni because....well....frankly i've been avoiding the sunset...particularly the outer sunset. because once upon a a former life....i lived a married life in the outer sunset....and it had been over 3 years since i put one foot in that neighborhood. it will be 4 years this fall. some loved ones joked that i would never see the likes of the pacific ocean again...having lived next to it for almost 6 years...either in the outer sunset or on the pacifica pier.

i had no idea how i was going to react.

yet, despite the wasn't like i was going to miss out on the opportunity to hang out with this friend for her gal's night. i even went kinda crazy in nijiya market buying snacks for it....

and had been looking forward to it for a couple of weeks.

as i rode muni into the outer sunset, i could feel myself mentally doing some self poking....mentally muttering things like "so, hey! how's it going? any weird vibes or sadness we need to deal with?" interestingly enough, there weren't any. really and truly.

then there was the moment of questioning...."does this make me a horrible person? you know....that there isn't?"

as i dug into my brisket sandwich today, i pondered this further.

it is odd, but not in a bad way, that there is no longer a need for "replacement memories". i think those of you, who like myself, have sought out different and positive experience to help offset lingering sadness after important relationships have ended...know exactly what i am talking about.

so i was rather thrilled when i knocked on the friend's door and was greeted with her typical warmth and vivaciousness. then, shortly after, i found myself enveloped within a comfy couch, completely fascinated a peek at LA Noire (her husband showed me the looks like it is a total engrossing time suck kind of game in a really really good way) well as being almost almost a disturbing way really...with the HD tv itself. since i haven't lived with a well over a decade...i found myself just looking at screen picture quality in awe. it also reminded me that is still a good idea for me to not have a game console and tv in my place or else i doubt i would be able to get very much work done. my current job and the hours i put in....would be impacted drastically if i had this on hand. video games are definitely a vice of mine. back in the day, i had been known to play until the wee hours of the morning....well pass my ass being completely numb....but not caring because i was too into the game. this is why i've shied away from having a console .....and seeing the game quality and screen quality of what is available now just reinforced that i should stay away from having one in my abode. not because i don't like it...but because i would like it too much.

after the friend's husband left and it became a gal's night, i had a good time hanging out with the ladies there...snacking, chatting, and relaxing. then as we wrapped up the evening and i rode muni a ways with one of the other ladies that attended the gal's night. that too, was a lovely conversation as well.

so as i finished up my sandwich and such at miller's today, i was thinking how glad i was that hanging out could just be hanging out. how it wasn't necessary to have a nice memory to battle other not so great ones. it was just a really nice time and memory on its own. it feels good to be beyond the need for replacement memories in regards to the outer sunset.

maybe i'll finally hit up outerlands.


Sugar Hustler said...

Great new memories are wonderful to replace old memories that have a sweet sting. I have such similar feelings about certain places and even doing certain things because of past events and people.

Thanks for writing :)

foodie hunter said...

thanks for the comment!