Monday, June 27, 2011

reflections before an ambush


this morning has been interesting thus far.

there are moments when things get tough and challenging....and it makes an incredible amount of difference when you are standing beside a colleague ... one that you've been through the fire that where both of you know that you've got each other's that you know that no matter the after it is over, there is someone that knows exactly what you've been through and sees you without judgement. where you don't have to describe what it was about. they just know...because they were there.

then there are those moments when you know that you are alone. there isn't a colleague. there isn't anyone that has your back. it is just you.

after this "work day" was over, i went into my kitchen to process. i decided to gather some ingredients together to make a baked or shirred egg. i had some leftover roasted patron peppers + bacon so i thought that would be a nice addition. this is why i don't throw away leftovers....even if there 3-4 peppers....i can use them for baked eggs....

i'm good at thinking ahead and possible contingency plans.

speaking of thinking ahead, tomorrow morning, i'll be going into an ambush.

i know it.

they know it.

it will be one against....i don't know....perhaps 25-30? sigh.

it was all orchestrated by someone who is over their head, isn't qualified to do their job, and is hoping that through intimidation and the ambush, that they'll get me to agree for my team to do their job for them. this is one of those situations where it really truly and utterly sucks to be the manager of a team.

on the surface, it is basically their entire team against me.

those aren't exactly the most fair of odds aren't they?

as i put together the ingredients, i was thinking about how the person that orchestrated the whole thing has no idea what he's done. i think he should have done a bit of reconnaissance before trying this maneuver with me. as DH almost gleefully said in between his chortles and snickers "he has no idea who he is dealing with".

the thing is with manipulative maneuvers like this one...the chump thinks...maybe...two steps ahead perhaps?....and that they are often way overconfident in their abilities and are sloppy about reconnaissance.

i get that most people will cave under conflict and avoid it.

i'm not most people though.

oh no. i'm a total robotic analytical logical shit.

my natural inclination is to think 5-10 steps ahead and if you piss me off, well....then the uber logical robotic analytical unfeeling foodie hunter comes out and have no problems throwing down.

what this chump doesn't realize is that i'm well aware of certain characteristics on this team. for better or worse, i see people for what and how they are. i've done my proper research....reconnaissance....and once the other members of his team realize that i'm not going to bend under the pressure ....and that i have a few things in my back pocket that i've set up and will be pulling out....they are going to turn on sharks that sense blood in the water.

so much unpleasantness.

which is why i'm seeking a bit of comfort as i eat my shirred egg and toast.

it isn't comfort from the chump and the ambush tomorrow.

it is comfort from me.

because you see....ummm.....i kinda knew the chump was going to be a problem as soon as he started. i could see it so clearly. so when the chump started....i began my own maneuverings and set up then.....months ago....for the possibility that he was going to pull something like this.

so my need for comfort is from knowing that i actually know how to do this...and from what i have done thus far and what i am about to do. it is comfort from knowing that i am rather good at something that perhaps, isn't exactly positive to be good at.

how is it a good thing to be good at identifying manipulative people, their potential actions, and planning/setting up for contingencies? for to do this....there must be an understanding of what makes them tick. this is what makes me sad. i don't want to understand manipulative people that seek to do stupid mean things to cover up their incompetence, insecurities, and lack of professionalism. i don't want to understand them at all. i only want to understand passionate + driven people that use their smarts for good. gawd dammit!

i get no joy out of my defensive and offensive maneuvering....because it means i'm playing the game. a very distasteful game. one that i have to take responsibility for my actions....and for being good at it.

just because i'm good at something doesn't mean i like it.

it doesn't mean that i like knowing that i'm good at it.

it doesn't mean that i want to do it.

but i will.

the fact that i why i needed to find comfort in my kitchen and my little spicy egg today.

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