Thursday, October 27, 2011

funny universe


another night...another winding down for the evening before i head to bed. there was a mini earthquake this morning about 5:45am-ish and i just decided to use that as my alarm clock instead of going back to sleep. after a few hours of working, i needed to take a break....to get away from my place.

i've been doing some rather nutty hours recently....and just knew that i needed to take a break...away. one of the challenges of working remotely and the hours that this job requires is not turning every space into a "work space". i've started doing that with the rooftop at moma....and in hindsight, i probably shouldn't have done that. i probably should have kept that space a 100% non-work sanctuary space. i'm finding that those places for me are dwindling.

yet, i knew that i have done zero work at il cane rosso....and also knew that farro porridge in addition to the view would be lovely...and so i thought that perhaps that would be what i needed.

when i arrived to il cane rosso, placed my order, and paid....i sat there for a bit....just looking outside and realized that the hours are not sustainable on a continuous basis.....that i do need to make time for breaks and down time....not just hanging out with loved ones and friends....but true "down time" as well.

there has been a rather significant imbalance recently.

i'm not certain what the answer is.

it may involve me withdrawing for a bit as i regroup.

or it could be that i'm just tired now and thinking about my presentation at 7am and then the follow up meetings for the next 5 hours.....just makes me feel more tired.

i'm also thinking that universe has an odd sense of humor sometimes.

i mean...odd...in a not so nice way.

i have a feeling i that i know where the universe is going with this. sometimes, it is a rather pain in the ass to have the type of brain that quickly identifies certain probabilities and the likelihood of outcomes. frankly, work wise, this has worked out quite well for me. very well. yet, personal-wise, it makes things complicated. there is a not so small part of me that wants to tell the universe that "i've already been there and learned that lesson. i really don't need to learn it again. thanks!"

despite where i am today, there is still the part of me that will always be the punk ass rebellious little kid that wants to tell the universe to fuck off.....and i'll do things my way.

i suppose some things don't change.

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