Thursday, October 27, 2011

not my intention

i've made some great progress on a very large work project which has me breathing a bit easier. i'm winding down for the evening and processing some pictures i took this morning of my breakfast of some very yummy coffee that sus brought back from hawaii for me as well as the duck fat pecan pie i bought from humphry slocombe yesterday.

as i was processing the pictures and such,

i've been thinking more about anonymity these days....specifically, my anonymity. i've actually only "come out" too about three people in the industry....and it is quite fascinating to me who knows especially because i wasn't the one that told them.

i rarely, if ever, mention the blog in my real life everyday conversations.

the other night i was at a party and someone who knows that i am foodie hunter decided to tell me what they thought about my being anonymous. lets just say that they didn't think it was a positive thing. there have definitely been times when folks (who i haven't told that i'm foodie hunter) have decided to give their opinions on what i "should" write about and whatnot and most of the time, i just smile....because by them telling their opinions on how or what i should write....tells me right away that they haven't read the blog.

or else, they would know that i write for me and only for me.

i'm pretty clear about that.

yet sometimes, folks will say things that i'll think it presents an angle that i had never considered before.

during that party the other evening, someone indicated that my being anonymous equated to a kind of asshole like behavior. what i hadn't realized before.....was that for those folks that i visit regularly .....and eat their food anonymity can be perceived as an insult....a sort of...."you eat my food, you like my food, but you aren't interested in getting to know me as a human being?"

i had never even considered this perspective before. it actually made me feel a bit horrified. it isn't my intention to be disrespectful with the anonymity. if i love your food, of course i'm interested in you as a human being. i just don't feel entitled, don't want to impose, and don't want to put you in the position where you think i'm trying to take advantage.

while i don't shy away from the "asshole" label....this is definitely one circumstance where it wasn't intentional.

when i visit a place regularly, i go because i enjoy the food....and in some cases....these places are my also "breaks" away from work.....or mini-sanctuaries where i can just relax. i don't "announce" that i'm a blogger, foodie hunter, whatever...because i don't want the folks to think i expect handouts or special treatment. i also don't feel a sense of entitlement in distracting folks from what may be a busy service.

heck, i think everyone knows how much i love hapa and i don't go anywhere NEAR the kitchen portion of the tent if it is 12:30pm on a market day as that is the height of the busy service.

if i visit a place regularly as a customer....i'm there because i enjoy your food and want to support what you are doing. from my perspective, i'm trying to be respectful of your business, your food, and your time.

while friends have scolded me about not announcing a certain homie has scolded me THREE times....for my eating once at one of his best friend's places in nyc and not saying a argument was like..."what was i suppose to say? i've never met her before. what if she thought i was just looking for a handout? i really didn't want to put her in that position."

yet it is different for them. these friends of mine who are prone to scolding. they are industry. i am not. not really. i may help out with hapa on i have written about before....i believe in what they are doing and want to support them....but that doesn't make me industry.

i totally understand the comping and trading system for industry folks. there is definitely a sense of balance that comes out....also a sort of honor system. the times i've worked random events for hapa...i'm always intrigued by it....a mutual feeding/nourishment between farmers and cooks.

yet, it is different for me. i don't have anything to trade. so hence, this is just one reason why i don't foresee myself lifting the veil of anonymity anytime soon when i visit places.

yet, i definitely wanted to take a say that if you know by some odd twist of fate (or have figured it out on your own) that i'm foodie hunter and are kind of pissed off that i've never said anything when i definitely wasn't my intention to be rude or disrespectful.

it really isn't.

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