Monday, December 5, 2011

not complicated

didn't really leave my place today. a wee bit too much to work on. it also helped that my place is warm and cozy which is a marked contrast to the temperature outside. there is much left to do....but as it is nearing midnight, i really want to wind down for the evening and get some sleep.

my primary meal today was very simple and a reflection of how i'm feeling at the moment. things are complicated at work. on many levels. as a result, i'm not really looking for complicated in other parts of my life. sometimes, methinks the universe has an odd sense of humor at times. methinks that folks that seek out drama and complication....obviously don't have it happen naturally in their lives....so they deliberately seek out complicated drama as a way to feel alive.

so not me.

i was catching up with someone today and he asked how the weekend was. i said that it was pretty good....and how i really just wanted a day when i wasn't angry. i know that for many folks that read this blog....that statement is quite odd. yet, when i told him ....he understood. completely.

there are times when i am so tired of being angry. i'm so tired of being responsible. i'm so tired of giving a shit.

because to be angry....it means that there is care involved....it means disappointment....it means a sense of injustice....it means oh so many things.

yet, at the core....to be angry...it means that you give a shit.

most days, it is just "charge on". you know, when the universe shuts a door on you....you make your own window. i know that isn't the real way that proverb goes....but i like my version better. my version isn't passive. i'm a big believer in that the life we have....is the life we make.

yet, occasionally, there is a day or two....when the universe hands over something else, and i just feel like saying

"really?"

"really?"

"is this really necessary? what the fuck am i suppose to learn from this? why so complicated?"

my response at this very moment isn't exactly the most positive.

my response is "lets make it not complicated".....which means caring less.

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