Tuesday, March 20, 2012


i know that it is going to be a late night ahead and there are things that i need to get done. just taking a break away from everything ....to see if i can return to the right space to get things done.

sometimes......sometimes doing the right thing isn't the most pleasant path to take. i was reminded today that the ethical path is sometimes a rather unpleasant path to take, especially when there are those that are looking for instant gratification or don't really care who else a particular decision negatively impacts....and when you....or in this case i.....stand firm because it is the right thing to do. yet, while i was standing firm......i knew full well that they were going to seek to make me pay for going against them.

....and sure enough.....they did. they didn't even wait that long. i suppose they couldn't wait.

an obvious abuse of power and position. they are rather predictable in their behavior....it is almost comical how predictable they are in their need to lash out and seek revenge for losing face.

i wonder if they really are wondering why their power base is dwindling and why they are becoming marginalized.

perhaps they need to do a bit of self reflection.

because no matter how "charming" they may try to be....there is only so long that one can withhold that deceptive surface and attempt to leverage a facade of insincere pseudo friendliness to get what they want. at some point, people realize when they don't do what they say they will, that a smile hides ill intentions, and they cannot lose a reputation that they never had or built.

again, an indication of their short term thinking.

they should have realized that the only power you have over someone is the power that they give you.

really and truly.

i knew full well what they were going to do to me for not going along with them but i did it anyway.

yet, it doesn't make the interactions with the consequences any more pleasant or easier to deal with. in a sense, i am also annoyed at myself....for feeling tainted by the experience. a taint that i can't seem to wash off. again....the only power they have over me is the power i give them. this is why i'm annoyed at myself for feeling tainted.

it is unpleasant. the confrontation. the games. the consequences. i don't think it is a good idea to underestimate the unpleasantness of it all. i understand why many people avoid it ...i understand why many people will bend or go along with these sort of people.

yet, i also understand why i don't and where it stems from. there is nothing that they can do to me that is worse than what i've already been through in my lifetime and from that...i know that is where my confidence comes from.

it is a bit of overall perspective.

as i took a break away from my place to take a walk, grab some coffee, and write about it here....it feels a bit better....as if the taint is being diluted and is dissipating. perhaps that is what i needed....to just take a break, acknowledge that it just sucks, gain some perspective, and realize that i know that i'll deal with it as it comes.

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