Friday, March 16, 2012

shake my head


over my coffee this morning, i was thinking about last night.

last night, the deliciously wicked godfather and i caught up with each other over dinner at sebo. i was pretty surprised that he'd never been before. we ordered the omakase as well as an additional dish of grilled squid. i've ordered the omakase each time i've visited sebo and have never been disappointed. it was a treat to be able to introduce him sebo and see how much he enjoyed it.

as we were noshing our beautiful fresh lovely food, he was asking me how "the food stuff" is going. i mentioned how the blog will be turning four years old on march 19th. then he asked, "how long has it been now?" i really didn't need any clarification for that question. yet, i had to take a moment to really think about it. it has been a bit over four years since the relationship ended between B and myself and a bit over three years since the divorce was finalized. then the godfather said how much happier i seem now than i was when B and i were together.

i couldn't help but give a rather wide cheeky grin at that...because it is true.

then, in order to preempt the upcoming lecture that i knew as coming (aka probing about who i was dating and whatnot), i mentioned that i had some rather odd observations about single people in san francisco that i really had a difficult time understanding. i thought i'd share a few here and then some....because i doubt i am on the only one that has identified these things.

first, there are the "catch and release" games. the uber flirting and actually hanging out/dating for the sake of gaining attention of the intended person but there is no real interest there. none. these are equal opportunity games. both men and women do this. both straight and gay. it appears that the main motivation is to have the other party be interested even though there is no intent for the interest to be returned. it is like the person likes to collect attention or it gives them a sense of power because they got someone to care about them while caring less.
yeah, i don't get it....seems like a whole lot of work, a waste of time, and well...just not very nice.

second, there are the "i-like-you-but-i'm-going-to-pretend-that-i-don't-like-you" games. again, these are equal opportunity games as well. it is like they believe the only way to get the other person's attention is to treat them poorly. i don't get these games either. i especially find myself stupefied when i see two people doing this game and i know that they like each other.

third, there are the texting interactions, "hanging out", dating, or whatever ambiguous term they decide to label it...with people they don't like. i mean, really don't like...as in actively not enjoying their company...or finding the company distasteful. my guess on this one is that it easier to have fuck buddy that you don't really like in order to keep it a sex-only interaction and not have any emotional attachment. this is just a guess though, because i don't get it either. from my perspective, sex is really quite lovely when you actually like...(and even better when you actually care about...and be rather mind blowing when you are in heads-over-heels-in-love with) the person you are having sex with.

fourth, there is this idea that a specific relationship or marriage is the objective. this....this....just makes me want to shake my head. from my perspective, serious relationships and/or marriage are a pain in the ass, a hella lot of work, and oodles of compromise. they should only be entered because there is mutual admiration, respect, and the belief that each other are so amazing that it is worth going through all of the hard work that comes with marriage. in other words...."this person is amazing. i love them. i respect them. i want to grow old with them." as the reasons to enter the marriage....rather than "i want to get married and therefore this person is the one i will marry." see the difference? well, i seem to see the remarkable difference. it is like someone is in love with the idea of marriage rather than the person that they seek to get married to.

i actually have more observations as well. yet, i won't go into them. i think i've made my point with these.

i know that i'm a pretty cranky curmudgeonly person. yet, i am a cranky curmudgeonly person that knows that love does exist....and with the right person....there is no feeling that can compare. none.

i would wish for folks to be a bit nicer, more honest, more respectful, as that would make things a wee bit easier for folks to make connections.....yet, i get the odd impression that they wouldn't want it that way. there are many people that like the meanness, the manipulation, the games, and the belief that marriage/serious relationship are major objectives to achieve. they like the status quo that this scene has become.

it makes me sad and just shake my head.

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