Tuesday, April 10, 2012

yellow




i noticed that i've been having an obsession with yellow for a few years now. it seems to be making itself known through my recent out-of-character purchases of flowers for my place. yet, it seems appropriate for an overcast rainy day to have these bursts of color that have zero practical purpose and are completely indulgent.



yet, i do know the exact moment when my obsession with yellow began. i was in paris. it was a time of upheaval. the previous time i had been in paris was for the honeymoon and this visit was decidedly not. everything i believed about my life had changed. i had recently finalized the marriage settlement agreement (aka the divorce contract) and filed the final paperwork at the sf court house. it is rather amazing how much paperwork is involved in divorce....even when all you want to walk away with are your books, clothes, knives, and your 401k. many friends (and well, the lawyer) were quite amazed that i didn't demand more. from my perspective, i didn't want anything else. quite frankly, all i really needed was my brain, my health, and being dissolved from any legal responsibility for another human being. i have no regrets.




at this time, work wise, things were going quite well. i had been recognized and awarded for exceptional contribution for my work....an award where the recipients were nominated by the executive team. i just started this blog called "foodie hunter", hadn't told any loved ones about it, and didn't know who the hell was reading it. this visit to paris was something i was excited to take pictures of and write about. i walked into printemps and for some reason, yellow was the "color" of recent european fashion shows. oddly enough, for someone whose wardrobe at that time was black, black, and more black...i fell for the color. i ended up splurging on many yellow pieces for myself and loved ones.

looking back on that time, i know that i felt like i was coming out of a stasis....and my life was changing by leaps and bounds.

the yellow, for me, represented the excitement and possibility of things i never thought about before.

i was in this frame of mind when i returned from paris.....and shortly afterwards...an executive at a pre-IPO company began the recruitment process and instead of just saying no outright...because i loved my boss (and still love them), some of the folks i was working with, and was treated very well.....i decided to consider it.

all i knew was that this opportunity that the exec was dangling in front of me would push me in ways that i couldn't even conceive of.  after i got over the initial shock that this exec saw something in me while working on a couple of projects together at a previous company......i felt sparks of excitement and anticipation. as i'm writing this....i'm just shaking my head at myself....i know now that i had something to prove....something to prove to myself....and this opportunity would enable me to pursue it with no guarantee of success or failure. the timing of it all was incredibly serendipitous.



now, about four years later, as i'm looking out an overcast day in san francisco....but at a rather great view in a neighborhood that i would have never dreamed i would live in when i was a neophyte.... i'm looking at these yellow flowers completely aware that my life is at another cusp of change. i don't know the exact details....but i know it is going to happen. methinks that my recent obsession for yellow flowers is a reminder to myself that no matter what happens....i'll figure it out.

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